Finding Yourself: Book Three

Chapter Twelve: Nerves

Elian was nervous.

Anyone, especially Nick, could tell. He sat on the edge of the bed with his leg jumping up and down; his hands wrung each other like a wet towel, and his lip was caught in his teeth. His eyes were not looking directly at Nick, and his smile was completely gone. 

It was dim outside because of the rain, and to save some power for his electrical bill, his bedside lamp was the only thing lighting the room. The setting was so peaceful it could have put Nick to sleep, but Elian was clearly troubled. 

Something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" Nick asked immediately. Elian didn't really say much. He opened his mouth to speak, then it closed again. Then it opened and closed again. "Is this about doubling my paycheck? Because if there's a problem, don't worry about it."

"Holy sh*t... I'm shutting down," Elian mumbled, then looked away. Then said louder, "It's not about your paycheck. It's just something. Nothing really. But it's sort of a thing that you don't have to worry about. But it's big."

"Uh...okay?" Nick said, sitting on the bed beside Elian. Elian still didn't look him in the eyes. "What is it?" Nick heard Elian take a deep breath, and then suddenly Elian whipped around to face him. His eyes were a little glossy, and he looked scared.

"I- sh*t- I have been keeping secrets from you, and I feel really bad for it," Elian spluttered like a disheartened whine. "I think I know some things that you don't know. Hell, maybe you do know! Maybe Xavier told you? But I don't think so. I-I'm just going to be a mess explaining this to you because I'm so nervous. Hate me all you want."

Nick could see that Elian was almost shaking. He had a feeling that the Elian he saw in that moment was the same Elian that couldn't handle talking to people as a teenager. Elian was teary-eyed and acting like a child who got in trouble for breaking a vase. And, for some reason, Nick wasn't terrified of what Elian was going to say next.

It was almost as if some parental switch flipped inside him, and Nick reached out to grab Elian's wringing and shaking hands. He wanted to see them still and calm. He ran the smooth of his thumb over Elian's skin. 

"Go ahead and tell me," Nick said in his most soothing voice. He was told by Maria that his voice was soothing once: deep and rich, but still soft. He gave it his all this time- in order to calm Elian. The man looked as if he was on the edge of a panic attack.

"I-" suddenly tears fell from Elian's eyes as he looked at Nick, "Well, I guess I'll start at the very beginning. I've known you for a while, Nick. You- uh- well, back before Xavier married you, I was on a bus full of people in a decently nice suit. I rode the bus instead of taking my car because, well, I was going through a rebellious phase and didn't want to drive the car my dad got for me. That's not really important. But you were also on that bus, but you had longer hair and seemed more... I don't know, edgy. I mean, you stood out."

"I couldn't stop staring at you the whole ride," Elian shrugged and chuckled, "Maybe it's because I have a type for dark-headed brooding people. I have no idea. Again, that's not important. Anyway, you got up from your seat mid-ride, and I looked away because I didn't want to seem like a creepy stalker. You bumped into me from behind for some reason, and I thought you might have tripped or something." Elian started chuckling some more through his watery eyes. "But then I felt my wallet slide out of my back pocket and heard you say 'sorry.' I realized, 'Oh my god this cute little emo is stealing my wallet.'"

"Oh," Nick gasped slightly, then frowned, "I'm sorry."

"Oh no, it's fine," Elian waved it off, "I mean, you would have gone unnoticed if not for the fact that I was actively hyperaware of you the entire bus ride. And you know what the stupid thing is? You were so darn cute that I just let you take my wallet. I mean, it wasn't like I was struggling. And again, I was in my 'burn the rich' phase. So, I didn't mind. But, I have to admit that after that day... I developed a major crush on you. I mean... tell me how stupid that is. I barely knew you, and you stole my wallet."