Finding Yourself: Book Three

Chapter Four: Rainy Days

Nick remembered the sound of bullets. It was a sound he remembered well, and it plagued his nightmares.

It wasn't just one bang, but several. He remembered stumbling over dead bodies while running away, tripping into a guy with a hole in his chest. The empty eyes of the man stared into nothing, but they resonated in Nick's ten-year-old mind.

He would never forget the sight of dead eyes.

That's how his nightmares usually went. Even though he was thirty, he still felt like a little kid in his sleep. He rarely could keep his mind from drifting to the darkest days of his life, and it always wake him up, shaking with fear. He hated sleeping alone.

At least, when he slept with someone next to him, he felt safe.

Nick was so tired, that when the nightmare woke him up the next day, he cried a little from frustration. Then, he thought about why he was crying and cried because he was lonely. He missed having a warm body by his side when he woke up. He was glad he had his own room, so that he could break down silently without the kids knowing. It only made him feel guilty when they knew.

~{()}~

"Daddy! Daddy!" Jason cried, climbing up the counter like a monkey. Nick stopped him before he got too close to the small, hot stove. 

"Yes, honey?" Nick asked, trying to pay attention to both cooking breakfast and watching the two-year-olds. It was exhausting after many restless nights, but he was glad that he was able to see the kids before they went to school.

"I want a super cool Teee-rex!" Jason declared, then roared his best roar. "Please, Daddy?" The twins's birthday was approaching soon, so Nick was attempting to save up money for presents. He figured a T-rex wasn't a big deal.

"Of course, darling," Nick replied, "Is that all you want?" He flipped over the sausage patties, and checked the bacon. Then looked back at Jason. Before Jason could answer, Bianca came down in a sparkly unicorn t-shirt and a tutu, but no socks.

"Bianca, honey, I think you forgot your socks," Nick pointed out, then said, "I'm not done with dinner yet, but I bet by the time you get some, it will be ready!" He put on his most genuine smile, his own poker face. He was hoping Bianca wouldn't push back because he was too exhausted to argue, but she had always been the rebellious one.

"Daddy, I'm wearing my new cat-icorn flip-flops!" she protested, posing at the door like she was a fashion model making a statement.

"I think those would look really cool with your unicorn shirt-"

"Dad! I'm pretty not cool!" Bianca said, flipping her hair like she was in a Disney channel show. 

"Uh...okay?" Nick accepted, not about to argue with the seven-year-old more, "I think you would look pretty in those flip-flops, but it's raining, Bi."

"I'll wear flip-flops in the rain!" Bianca said, like it was common sense. She sat on the small living room couch, swinging her feet back and forth. Nick sighed, as he noticed breakfast was finished, and turned the stove off. 

He looked around for Jason, but the boy was gone. He was probably with Jordon, who was getting ready in the bedroom. He walked over to the couch where Bianca sat.

"Bi, please put your tennis shoes on," Nick pleaded, as Bianca made no move to get up from the couch, "Your feet will get wet in the rain."

"I like my feet wet," Bianca straight-up lied to his face in order to win the argument. She had her arms crossed, a stubborn look in her eyes.