Finding Yourself: Book Three

Chapter Three: Guilty Conscious

*Trigger Warning: Mentions of Suicide*


Nick was putting the scones out into the display case when an older man walked into the little bakery. Nick was thirty, so he would have guessed that this man was in his fifties. He had salt-and-pepper hair, and his face was quite dashing for an older man. He was dressed in leisurely gym clothes that reminded Nick of a beginner health nut who dressed more athletic than they were.

"Take the register," Trent said quickly and sternly, "I'll be back." They passed Nick quickly, and Nick was sure it was because of her bladder. Trent had a bladder issue that caused her to pee soon and unexpectedly. For a twenty-year-old, such as herself, it was an embarrassing issue to admit having. For Nick, who was nearing his midlife crisis, it was just another problem he had to look forward to when he was older.

Nick had worked the register enough times to handle it on his own. He knew Trent trusted him well enough. He set the tray of scones on the carry-out counter before walking up to the black money box, where the fifty-year-old was standing patiently.

"Hello! Welcome to The Rolling Scones. Are you interested in today's special, the Green Caffeine Machine Latte?" Nick recited like he had been doing it for years. He kept his voice light and friendly, despite his gut recoiling at the notion of happiness. He just wanted to curl into a blanket and call it a day.

"Why no, darling," said the older man, staring slightly at the LGBQT+ sticker on Nick's nametag. Trent had said to wear the sticker if he felt comfortable, and its only purpose is to assure fellow gays that the bakery was an LGBQT+-friendly bakery. Nick wasn't normally afraid of strangers knowing his sexuality, but the way that the man stared at his name tag made him wary. "I'm actually here to get a large Vanilla Bean Latte, iced, and an extra shot of vanilla please," the man continued. Nick entered the order into the system.

"Anything else?" Nick questioned.

"Yes, just an apple muffin," the man responded. Nick nodded to show that he heard.

"That will be ten sixty-five," Nick replied, knowing it sounded expensive. However, the muffins were quite big.

The man handed him his card, still looking at Nick's nametag. While the card was processing, the man started a conversation.

"So... Nick," the man began, "Are you gay, or is that rainbow community sticker just to show the friendly-ness of the bakery?" Nick's hackles went up as he pressed the "ok" button and returned the card to the man.

Nick turned away to get started on the man's latte.

"Both," he replied shortly. If this man started acting out, he would have to go get Trent right away. He felt his whole posture stiffen to prepare.

"Hmmm," the man hummed thoughtfully, "That's interesting. I don't see very many older men who openly talk about that stuff, you know? Not that you are old. You're a young flower compared to me." Nick didn't know how to respond to that, so he just hummed with acknowledgment. He started up the expresso machine.

"Nick, I'm curious," the man started again, "How much do you get paid for this job? Can you live off of it?"

That made Nick slightly relax. It sounded like the man was just interested in a job. Trent had said that they needed more workers. Maybe he was just wanted to apply.

"It's twelve an hour," Nick admitted, "But the management is good. And it's not exactly a hard job either." He mixed together the shots of vanilla with milk. He then combined it with the expresso.

"You know," the man leaned in over the counter. Nick looked around to make sure the guy wasn't holding up a line. It turns out only two teen girls were sitting in the back corner. They already had drinks, so the small conversation Nick was having was fine. Nick walked over to the man, a little cautious by the way he was leaning over the counter; his face was practically in Nick's when Nick set the latte on the counter. "You know," the man repeated in a whisper, "I could pay more than a month's worth of your pay for one night with me, cutie."