Woe it's Wenclair

Pain

Wednesday

As we go up into the air I watch as Enid stares out the window in anxiety. Oh, how badly I want to go and comfort her.

I feel a wave of sadness crush me entirely. I can only try my best to barricade its salt water as it threatens to pour out through my eyes.

How am I supposed to get through today, this week, this summer, this year, my life, if I can barely get through this moment?In times like these a plan is needed. And so closing my eyes, I formulate one.

Number one. Make sure she is safe, most importantly. Perhaps I can convince mother and father to let me stay in the city?

Number two. Give her space. Don't answer her texts if she decides to communicate with you.

Number three. Always remember. Remember the pain you have caused her, the devastated look on her face after you backed away from the kiss. Remember putting her in danger time and time again.

Number four. Punish yourself. You can't get away with hurting her that easy, now can you? But what is a fair punishment for dimming the sun? The easy answer would be complete darkness. But you know you couldn't do that. The sun would never wish for that, and as stupid as you are, you know that.

"Wednesday?"

I'm shaken, a hand on my shoulder. Pugsley. I look at him, trying to seem my normal self.

"Hm?" You hum, shakily.

"You okay? Are you sick?" He asks.

Sick?

"I feel a bit off, perhaps it was breakfast." I lie, noticing everyone else has unbuckled.

It seems more time has passed than I had thought.

"Maybe. Or was it-"

"Breakfast. Something must have been expired." I announce firmly.

Pugsley continues talking, but I hurriedly get out of my seat and throw open the door to the other room.

I rub my face, trying to get rid of my tunnel vision and look around. Enid sits startled on the couch. My eyes open wide. I thought she was still sitting down in the other room. What happened to my alertness?

I turn around and fumble for the door knob, as I do so I can hear a faint voice.

"Am I that disgusting to you?"

I stop moving. I don't even breathe. Disgusting? Does she really think that?

Of course she does. I lean my head on the door.

"You believe that?" I whisper.

There's no response. I turn around. Enid looks at me confused.

"You believe I think that you are anything other than beautiful?"

Enid's face goes slack in shock.

It is apparent now that she has to know. She can't go and think nonsense of herself because of me.

I slowly make my way to sit on the couch, a good five feet between us. I swallow, look towards her astonished face, and look at the floor. My posture is horrid, but I honestly find myself not caring in the slightest.

"It is vital that you listen to me, Enid." I start, turning to her.

She nods her head slowly.

"You are spring, Enid. You are the flowers that bloom in the barren desert. You are more interesting and intricate than any case I've ever worked on. You are more than capable of fighting for yourself, and you can warm any heart by residing near it just as you have mine. It's taken me much too long to realize this because of my own bluntness, but you are a beautiful person inside and out. I'd hate for you to think anything else of yourself."

Tears brim in her eyes. She looks into my eyes, opening her mouth but then closing it.

I stand up and walk towards the door.

"Wait!" Enid shouts. "You can't just leave!"

I turn around, waiting for her to speak.

"Why did you run?" She shakily asks.

I turn to the floor. A silence sweeps over the room and something tugs on my heart, pulling it into my stomach.

"I... I couldn't do that."

"What do you mean?" She asks, looking hurt.

I don't want to hurt her.

"I can't be... I can't..." I stutter, trying to find the words.

When I look back, she's crying. Suddenly we're back on the balcony at Nevermore. She's upset, and I don't know what to do.

Only this time she's upset because of me.

I have to leave. And so I do.

Everything is in slow motion as I walk back. Pugsley looks to me but I just ignore him, sitting in my seat and curling into a ball, watching the clouds and tiny trees.

I shut my eyes as tight as I can, hoping to take away this feeling, but I only see images of Enid looking at me in pain.

How I want to hold her.

How I want to comfort her.

How I want to kiss her pain away.

But it's only temporary. I have to think of her future. I'm not enough for her, I know that. She'll have to get over this. I know she will. She's strong. So strong.

Which means I have to be.