2 kids

Dinner.

Ashley.

I'm late again. I knew it the second I came home, and the time was dangerously close to six o'clock. The pledge to myself that I'd learn how to be more on time is a failure, a disappointment and embarrassment to myself.

Though I should be bothered, I'm not.

The despair for some alone time was killing me the whole day. Stuck in school from early morning, and then surrounded by people at the dance academy leaves little to no time for just myself. Due to already agreed plans, I left with everyone else today, feeling strange for not staying longer.

I thought of lame excuses to make to stay at home, but realised how mean that would be. As much as I dreaded the thought of having to leave my house again, I quickly reminded myself who the dinner was with. I made a promise, and promises shouldn't be broken.

Now I'm sitting in the car with Clark, while he's busy talking, although I knew I'd arrive there quicker if I took the subway. As for now it can be said I'm purposely late.

When Noah reached out again and asked me if I wanted to accompany him to yet another dinner, I had genuine interest and felt genuine excitement. Right now those emotions are gone, and I feel so tired, so drained from life and utterly confused, I worry I won't be the company he's looking for.

My eyes linger on the entrance for a few seconds before stepping out of the car, thanking Clark for the ride, and mentally wishing to not be here. It makes me feel guilty for feeling the way I do.

Pushing the door open, the smell of delicious fresh food instantly hits my nose. My stomach rumbles, demanding some fuel. I notice Noah immediately, and he notices me. He gives me a small wave and I just smile, placing the perfect fake smile on my face and walk over to him.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," I lie as I sit down.

"It's alright, I wasn't on time myself."

I raise my eyebrows. "I remember you as a very punctual guy."

Maybe it'd be easier to lie and say I don't feel comfortable around him. Maybe if I'd blame it all on him it wouldn't be so bad. But it'd be wrong to lie. It's absolutely not his fault.

Since my last encounter with Alex, and the anxiety attack that surprised me out of the blue, I haven't quite been able to stop thinking about him. I can't get the image of those rings on his fingers out of my head.

He lets out a little laugh. "A meeting got extended. I worried you'd be waiting here for me, growing hungry."

I shyly smile and shake my head. "As you see, I'm late once again."

Noah assures me it's alright just as the waiter comes and we proceed to order something to eat and drink. My stomach is aching and I'm dying of hunger.

Glancing around the restaurant, I suddenly find myself feeling twice my age. I'm not dressed in a dress or somehow too elegantly to make myself purposely look older. I'm dressed as a teenager my age, of course with a natural hint of elegance. It's dinner at a restaurant, and after all I've been raised up to some manners. Yet somehow I don't feel my age. Perhaps it's Noah's maturity and the presence of all these couples, but I don't spot a single person my age.

This doesn't resemble a usual teenager's schedule for a Friday night, and for a while I grow uncomfortable realising the age difference between Noah and me. A club or a party would be more accurate. The duality this night holds is disturbing and calming at the same time. A part of me wants to be at some party now, but the other is too tired to even imagine it.

"So," I say after a while of silence. "Have you decided whether you'll settle down somewhere or not?"

"Not really, no." He lightly shakes his head. "I've been thinking about it, but I don't know. A part of me wants to because this lifestyle of mine doesn't provide me many opportunities to have a relationship. It's like I'm engaged to my work, but it's already a toxic relationship."