2 kids

Drug.

Ashley.

The loud instruments and music are still ringing in my head. Even after an hour.

I've never dared to ask exactly what pain bounds them so closely together, or what pain they faced together. But after tonight's performance, after River's touching speech, I understand I'll never ask. I'll never understand, and I'm not meant to know.

By the time their performance tonight had ended, I was ugly crying. Seeing the pain across my friends' faces hurt, and the song they had written to honour someone close to them, their friend, that was never meant to be performed for anyone, bore a message that made me cry instantly.

Alex sweetly caresses my thigh, talking with the boys. I rested my head on his shoulder the second we got in the car, and closed my eyes soon after. Sleep didn't creep onto me, but it was too tiresome to hold my eyes open.

My mind keeps on travelling back to the viral video of Alex and I that Heather showed us. The trouble he's now in, the rumours already spreading at lighting speed. It doesn't matter what we are or are not, because the internet has already put a label on it. While they waited backstage and we stood below the stage, very front to see them best, I scrolled and scrolled through the millions of posts with a number of different hashtags. Some were quite positive, trying to remind the angered fans that whatever they do with whomever is none of their business. But they were still outweighed by the negative, almost threatening posts. Videos, photos, tweets... we're definitely the hop topic now.

Alex tried his hardest to protect me from hate comments when they debuted and the first rumour that he wasn't single, as he claimed to be, that took over their fandom. Just like River's been protecting Liana this whole time. Both of them managed to keep their relationships secret, though River never publicly denied his relationship. Alex had to, was almost forced to by their management team. The rockstar, the guitarist with piercing ocean blue eyes and white hair with hints of pink – a description of a female magnet. All three of them immediately had huge fanbases, obsessed fans willing to do anything to meet them in real life. Yet somehow Alex's was slightly bigger, or consisted of more dangerously obsessed people.

I endured everything he told me, happily lived in anonymity. The same won't happen now. It cannot, because the internet has seen my face. Of gotten a pretty vivid outline of it, enough to track me down. And though I've appeared in some of Mae's videos, it has never been to attract attention or raise rumours.

My frustrated exhale draws Alex's attention to me. "Stop overthinking it, angel."

The music is loud enough to drown our conversation. "I can't. It's my fault. I shouldn't have –"

"It's not your fault." Taking my cheeks in his palms, he tilts my head, so our eyes meet. "It's not your fault, angel. Don't even think that for a second, you understand me? We had fun, didn't we?" I nod. "And that's what you do at parties. You have fun. And what if there's a hot video of us making out? The world should be jealous."

A laugh slips through my lips and he smiles. "It's not my fault."

"It's not your fault." He sweetly kisses my forehead.

"But... won't you be in trouble now?"

The feline smirk is back, so is his ignorant shrug. "I'm always in some trouble, angel. You don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine, it'll be fine."

"You have an image to protect."

He snickers, shaking his head. "I protect the image I want the world to see. Not what I'm being told to protect. There's nothing for me to protect but you. I'll talk myself out of this."