2 kids

A step closer.

Alex.

I raise my glass with the others.

Cheers, River.

Satisfied the rooftop is only occupied by us, I decide to walk over to the edge, taking a good look at the night sky and at the city itself. Observing the sky very carefully and thoroughly, as if expecting to see something extraordinary. But my eyes never catch anything unusual or extraordinary in the sky – no flying object, no extra moons, no strange star, nothing new or unusual. It's the same sky as every other night. The same moon as always, the same sky lit up by all the neon lights, making it have a strange, unnatural colour.

"I wonder," River comes up to me. "How it's so easy for you to zoom out that often."

I laugh. "I wonder that too."

"No, but really. How do you do it?"

I shrug. "I guess I just have a lot on my mind."

"You're not the only one," he comments. We get quiet, a comfortable silence over us. Each thinking about something else. "What's going on in your mind now?"

"Nothing in particular," I say. I can't tell him the truth – I didn't come here to observe the night sky, though it's surely magnificent. I came here to have a good view on Ashley, to observe her and quietly plan my plan for the night. I came here to collect my thoughts that have been driving me insane.

She stood so close to me, only a few feet away. Yet her eyes never travelled to mine. Yet she never looked at me just once. Even as we all cheered, wishing River happy birthday again, she stood next to Ciara without looking at me.

It hurt like hell.

No one made it awkward or obvious. If anyone noticed my stares at her, and her ignorance, they didn't point it out. They left no space for awkwardness between us, they pretended like nothing had ever happened. And I'm not sure if that isn't bothering me more.

For a while we just stay with our backs turned to everyone, It would take one turn to meet her eyes. But the question is whether I'm ready. I've been subconsciously searching for her the whole night, keeping a distant eye on her.

I turn around eventually, and nudge River's side. "You're being looked for."

His girlfriend's eyes light up when he turns around and smiles at. What those two have is the epitome of true love. Something we all secretly want, but all fear.

River looks at me, as if searching for something in my eyes. For something that would make him stay, something that would tell him he should stay. "I'm fine dude. A little intoxicated by the alcohol."

With a laugh and nod he pats my shoulder, walking away.

Again, I scan the rooftop for Ashley. She's dancing with Violet and Heather, a drunk Ray attempting to copy their moves.

For the sake of herself I hope she has moved on and learnt how to protect her heart from people like me. For the sake of myself, I hope she hasn't. I hope there's still a chance I'll get to keep her in my life one way or another. As a friend or as a partner, because I cannot forget her.

"You need a refill?"

Ciara's green eyes sparkle under the flickering rooftop light as she offers me a refill of some dark coloured liquid.

"Have you become a walking bartender?"

"Times are hard, Alex. Desperate situations require desperate solutions."

I laugh, tilting my cup so she can refill it. "You're doing an excellent job. I'll write a good review of your services."

She hits my arm with a laugh, taking the drink from my hand and sipping on it lightly. Ciara stays miles away from anything containing alcohol or drugs, only occasionally having a sip or two, and only having a whole drink herself when she feels absolutely safe and knows nothing can happen. But even so she barely touches anything, rather stays to play the mum.