2 kids

Whose girl?

Ashley.

I let myself drown in the loud noises and music surrounding me. Opening my eyes I give them time to adjust to the lighting – dark and low. I can see people moving, but I can't identify them. All I can see are their silhouettes.

There's smoke around me. Warm smoke that smells sweet. Like fairy floss booths on funfairs. I don't know where it's coming from or what, but it's here. Surrounding me and confusing me.

I close my eyes again and realise I'm alone. I came here with my friends, but now I'm alone. They didn't leave me, I left them. There's too much alcohol in my system to remember the exact reason. But something tells me the reason was my drunk thoughts.

I thought leaving for some fresh air might help, but it didn't. Instead I crashed on the couch, surrounded by strange smoke and strangers.

Some time goes by and a couple of people, probably a couple of couples, switch places on the couch. No one addresses me, no one seems to notice me. And if they do, they pretend I don't exist.

After a while I realise it's necessary for me to find the bathroom. There's just a thing with these bathrooms at these parties – you never know where exactly they are.

But this isn't some huge mansion with too many rooms and too many bathrooms. This is a regular house with a big enough bathroom on the second floor.

So that's where I head to – the second floor. I make my way through the crowd, and to the stairs. I climb those, without bumping into anyone and sobering up a bit.

Walking down the very short hallway I think about the first time I met Alex. It wasn't the first time I met him, but it was the first time he did something to me. I think that I knew from that moment I wanted him in my life. Yet I still wasted my time with Leo.

The memories of that night fill my head. I can still see the outfit he wore, the accessories he had. I can still picture his eyes, the look, his smirk and smile. I can still remember my thoughts. And all those images, nothing but pure memories, still bring me butterflies in my stomach.

I reach my destination and the memories evaporate from my mind. Just like that, they're gone, and I'm sober as never before. Painfully sober.

I decide to look for my friends. Being alone no longer entertains me. It's beginning to feel lonely, and I don't want to feel lonely tonight. I came here with the intention to socialise and ignore loneliness.

I gently open all the doors on this floor that aren't locked. Only three of the doors I try aren't locked. But my friends are nowhere to be found.

I walk the stairs back down and wonder whose house this is. Mae never told me, and neither did Ciara. Heather was the one who announced this party, but she never mentioned any name.

Sometimes I still get the feeling I'm just in a small town where everyone knows everyone, and the house parties are always at the same houses. Not in one of the biggest cities in the world, where the chances of meeting the same people again and again are supposed to be low.

As expected, I fail to notice my friends. It leaves a stinging feeling of sadness and I almost start to cry. At the realisation that I'm questioning them too, but mainly at the fact that I'm left alone again. I was with Violet a while ago, before I told her I needed some fresh air. Francis told me they'd be at the same place, but when I returned they were gone.

Looking everywhere around me, scanning the room, I think about what I could do. I don't want to drink and I sure as hell don't want to be near any drugs. Besides dancing it seems to be the only thing entertaining these people.