Dance of Affliction (GxG)

Haunting Insecurities

»»-----¤-----«« Estelle's Pov »»-----¤-----««

"Who. Was. it."

Her question sends a shiver down my spine. Her voice is eerily quiet, yet I feel an energy of pure menace. My hands are clammy and my heart is pounding hard in terror. There is something about the situation that makes me feel deeply threatened.

"It's none of your business." My heart races as I try to quell my anxiousness. My body tenses as I grip my purse tightly, desperate to stay calm.

"It is my business now." I look up at her, not knowing what to do. It's clear that my earlier reaction has sparked something inside her.

"Look just get this over with already." My heart pounds like a drum in my chest as I say the words. My legs quiver so hard that I'm afraid they'll give out beneath me. Nausea threatens to overwhelm me, and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and close my eyes. Fear, cold and heavy, engulfs me as I try to look up at her but fail.

"No."

I am taken aback by her response, barely having time to register before my cardigan comes hurling towards me.

"What?"

"I said no." Fedorov harshly yanks me into the elevator, and I stand there, feeling powerless. Not knowing how to act in this strange situation, I stay silent and still. The doors close and I hear the elevator's descent. We reach the main floor and I obediently follow her like a lost puppy. Once outside, she flings open the door of her car and glares at me.

"Get in."

"But.."

"I said get. In." From her tone of voice I can tell being the stubborn brat I am won't do me any favors in this moment. I comply without a word and get into the car, watching her carefully as she circles around it and slides into the driver's seat. The whole ride is an oppressive silence, a pervading unease that hangs between us. Not one word is exchanged, as if we have both silently agreed to remain silent.

After giving her the directions to my apartment, we eventually arrive at my destination. She turns off the engine of the car and the keys jingle as she removes them from ignition. I stare at her, unsure of what to do, and notice that her expression hasn't changed; her face is still and emotionless. Her side-eyed glance fills me with unease, so I quickly divert my gaze from hers.

"I don't get it," I say timidly.

"Why did you bring me home already?" Panic courses through my veins and self-deprecation hits me like an avalanche. What is Micha going to say? I have done it again, fucked up beyond belief; a pattern that has become all too familiar in my life.

Fedorov remains silent in response to my question, her gaze distant as they lower the window by the driver's side. She takes a cigarette from her pocket and lights it, the orange flame briefly illuminating her face before she takes a drag and exhales. Her eyes are focused on something far away, seemingly lost in thought.

"I may be a goddamn cunt, but I show respect when it comes to someone's consent Sparky." Her response helps me to relax a bit. I feel relieved.

Go figure. Is what i want to reply but when i look at her i just.. couldn't. "I see."

Silence fills the space once more before i speak up again;

"This might sound pathetic, but believe it or not you're the first to show some kind of respect." I notice her eyes roll over towards me and i'm pretty sure i saw her lips curl in an incredulous smile.

"You're right, it does sound pathetic." Her reply ignites a fire inside me. Here i was, trying to be genuine and she has the audacity to mock it.

"You know what." As I reach for the car door of the passenger's seat, my breath caught in my throat as the sound of the lock engaging echoed through the air. Instinctually, my body moves into a state of fight or flight as a tingling sensation runs down my spine.

"Open the door."

"No."

I am about to challenge Fedorov, yet I am instantly struck by her icy gaze. After she throws out her cigarette she leans towards me. Her gaze never wavering, my heart beating wildly in anticipation. Her proximity makes me acutely aware of every detail: the way she slightly furrows her brow as she studies my face; how the light from the car switch glints off her eyes and how her lips are curved ever-so-slightly in a smirk.

"No, i'm not letting you out." She says calmly.

"You're going to give me names if you want to get home tonight."

did she just.. threaten me...again!?

I can't help but feel a wave of defeat wash over me. My arms instinctively cross in front of me as my eyes meet hers. My shoulders slump and I shake my head in resignation, unable to tear my gaze away from her knowing stare.

"It's nothing, really."

"I'll be the judge of that." She replies without pause, her tone implying that her decision is non-negotiable. I just want to get home and forget about tonight. Tonight has been a fiasco, and I can almost hear my wine from the kitchen cabinet calling out to me like some kind of divine siren song.

"Fine." I murmur. Without a moment to spare, she hands me her phone and gestures for me to type in the names.

So i did.

When it's done I hear the car lock unlock instantly. I stare at her in disbelief. Her actions keep me guessing, never able to form a reasonable explanation for her behavior. She consistently leaves me stumped and bewildered, leaving my head spinning with thoughts and confusion.

She utters the phrase "Get out" in a voice that's cold and full of authority. Without hesitation, I quickly scramble out of the car, my feet barely touching the ground. The door slams shut behind me as I rush back to safety — my apartment complex — knowing that this wasn't a situation where I want to linger for long.

I finally reach the familiar floor of my apartment, sighing in relief as I unlock and open the door. As soon as it closes behind me, I quickly lock it to ensure my privacy and safety.

I'm trembling, and before I have time to register my emotions, tears run down my cheeks. Embarrassment and shame consume me as the realization dawns on me -I'm nothing compared to the success of my sister. The contrast between us makes every mistake and failure that much more obvious. I live in a cramped apartment, struggling through a job that fills me with misery and dread. Every day, I feel like someone was always looking over my shoulder or listening in on every move I made. It's an unending cycle of despair and hopelessness, one that I've resigned myself to. Every morning I wake up hoping it had all been a bad dream, only to be disappointed when reality sets back in. I wipe away the tears before collapsing onto the couch in the living room. I don't even consider washing my face, so if I look like a washed-up clown in the morning then so be it. I watch the TV with tired eyes as the minutes slowly tick by, feeling my eyelids becoming heavier and heavier with each passing moment until I eventually drift off into a deep and peaceful sleep.

Authors note:

Thank you for reading this chapter of "Dance of Affliction."<3

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