Dance of Affliction (GxG)

Maze of Thoughts

»»-------¤-------«« Estelle's Pov »»-------¤-------««

I managed to make it home on foot this time. As I pushed the entrance doors open, they let out a loud creak - then slammed shut behind me. Unlocking the door to my appartment, my gaze took in the space before me as I stepped inside and sat down on my couch.

They were not wrong.

I won't lie, her answer stung. But she was right. I had been treating myself as less of a priority than those around me. Yet the way she spoke made me feel humiliated, as though I asked something foolish and deserved to be laughed at.

"Affection? Don't be ridiculous." Those words. Those words stung, so hard.

I sat in front of my TV, my gaze fixed on the screen as her words reverberated in my mind. Despite my focus on the program, I couldn't help but be conscious of her presence in my mind and the truth behind her words. Was I really this naïve? I sighed and scrolled through my phone keeping the TV on in the background.

No matter how much I tried to ignore the events that had unfolded, I couldn't help but feel embarrassed at my own naivety. As my senses slowly returned to normal, anxiety began to fill me again.

Am i really this desperate?

Was it because I hadn't felt such a spark for so long that I'm getting so attached to her? Was my longing just a reflection of how deeply I had missed the physical affection between me and another person?

I sighed and made the decision to contact Lea. I knew her upbeat attitude would be just what I needed.

"Hello?" Just hearing her voice made a smile form on my lips.

"Hey Lea, it's me Estelle."

"Oh my god, hey girl! how've you been? i haven't seen you at work tonight?" I sighed and got up to pour myself a glass of water.

"Yeah i left earlier because i had to return something to one of our patrons." I took a sip from my glass and put my hair up in a ponytail.

"One of our patrons? Who is that important that you need to bring it personally?"

I listened to her talk and wondered if I should tell her the truth about Fedorov. Uncertainty clouded my mind as I struggled with whether or not it was a good decision.

"Estelle are you still there? Hellooo?"

"Ah, yeah i'm here Lea sorry. My mind has been all over the place lately."

"It's okay, that's understandable. But who was the patron?"

"I.."

Should i tell her?

After a few moments of reflection, I took a deep breath and made my decision. "It's Fedorov."

I jumped in my seat when i heard a loud thud on the other side of the call.

"Lea, are you okay..?" I heard rustling and groaning almost as if she fell down the stairs.

"FEDOROV!??" She exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes, Fedorov left their card here last time when they requested me. Remember?"

"Oh yeah, i remember."  A silence washed over the call when Lea then broke it.

"How were they..?"

"Lea!?" I gasped.

"Were they good..?"