while dad was taking the car to the garage, I entered the house
the first person who noticed me was my mother, she came to me and hugged me tightly "come to eat something" she said smiling
mom, Susie Wolff. my mother is 40 years old, I have a very close relationship with her, I always tell her when I have something. 3 years ago I decided to take a break from formula 1 for her sake to spend more time with her and help her with Jack
About Jack..
"May!!" Jack shouted jumping into my arms
he hugged me very tightly and kissed me all over my face
"I missed you" he wisper to me in my ear
Jack is my younger brother, he is 6 years old and make 7 on April 10. I love him very much and I love spending time with him. he likes to draw, I taught him and he really likes karting, he hopes that when he grows up he will be like Niki Lauda.
I went to my room with him in my arms and the suitcase in one hand
I left my things on the bed and put on my pajamas because I'm not going to leave the house today even if it's 7 pm
then I went down to the kitchen and ate
all 4 of us sat down on the huge couch in the living room and watched a movie
"May" said Jack
"yes Jack" I replied
"can I sleep with you tonight?" he asks me with his puppy face that he tricks mom and dad with
"Sure" I said smiling
after finishing the movie, I took Jack by the hand and we went to my room
I showed him the gift I got from Bahrain and gave it to him
it was a replica of Niki Lauda's car from his last year in Formula 1
when I looked at the door I saw my father standing in the doorway with tears in his eyes
he came and sat on the bed next to us looking at the little car in Jack's hands
"he would have liked to see you two grow up," said father, wiping away his tears
"we will never forget him" said Jack
Jack was very little when Niki died, he was only one year old, most likely he didn't remember him that well, but Niki Lauda always loved to help dad raise us. when we were born he tried to predict our future, he said about me that I will be a mature woman and that I will be a ray of sunshine in everyone's life and about Jack he said that he will follow in his footsteps and that he has a good chance of being a Formula 1 champion.
we all miss him.
"we don't have to forget about him either Jack, remember that he is a good example in life" I said
I stayed with my father and laughed remembering Niki Lauda and then he let us go to bed.
___
"Lance I'm begging you.."
the belt hit my arm leaving a red line
"please, please..I'll do what you want" I said crying
the belt hit me again, this time leaving traces of blood
"shut the hell up!" he shouted at me
the tears flow in streams, and he doesn't stop hitting me
until the belt buckle reaches my head and I pass out
___
I
wake up from the nightmare breathing very hard
I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to try to calm down
the tears flow quickly down my face and I still can't breathe well
I try to throw water on my face, but it doesn't do anything
at one point I fall to the ground crying loudly trying to stop myself so as not to wake Jack
it's a panic attack
again
I manage to stop only after 10 minutes and when I do I get up and go out into the yard
I went and sat on the wet grass
it's 03:43.. I don't know what to do
I look up to the sky and inspect every star and plane
I always calm down when I look at the sky
I hate when I have nightmares, because I remember things that I would like to forget
I hate to remember what I endured for 5 months
I hate to remember how many times I was beaten or raped and I didn't ask for help
I was afraid
I was afraid that if I asked for help, I wouldn't be taken into account or I would ruin the reputation of my parents
the only people who know about Lance and everything that happened are Mom, Dad, Lily, Andre, Clara, Mick and Charles
because I only trust them
I hear my phone vibrating so I quickly open it to see who it is
it's from Charles
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after talking with Charles, I went back to the house
I drank a glass of water and went back to my room where I had left Jack
when I entered the room, my soul jumped when I saw Jack standing in front of the door
"goodbye Jack, you'd scare the hell out of me" I said
"where have you been?" he asked me
"I drank a glass of water, now let's go back to sleep" I said and took his hand to go to bed
I fell asleep with Jack in my arms, it really is my safe place
