I Need You

☆

It's hard for me to understand what just happened

after I manage to arrive in the Mercedes hospitality, I asked George to go after Jack, because I really don't wanna go again around the paddock and risk to see Charles or Lance or even Lando

I took Lewis into his driver room and I told him everything that happened with Lance and Charles

he was surprised just the same I was when I was there

"so what now?" he asked me

"what do you mean? you think that I should do something?"

"not exactly, but it will be more safe for you if you would speak at least with Charles to clarify everything between you two, I mean now that you come very often to the races, you are going to see him every month, even twice a month"

he is right

but I don't know what to say to him, I should let him speak and see what he want's to told me

I escaped from the paddock very hard, I really wanted to not see anyone at the moment, I get in the car with Mick and got back at the hotel

twitter is already full of pictures of me talking to Charles in the middle of the paddock while I was crying, I hope that my parents will not see them

I can't find the words to tell them that there is no more Charles and I

I stayed in my room with Lily, Mick and Alex, we decided to sleep all four of us in my room and watch some movies and just spend time together

at some point I walked to the supermarket next to the hotel to buy some chips for us

and when I got in the front of the hotel I was surprised to see Charles

for a moment I forgot that we stay in the same hotel

"hi" he told me

"hi"

we were staying face to face and no one else was around us

"what does Lance wanted from you? he did something to you?"

"we talked.. he told me that he stop drinking"

"so now you are again a thing with him?"

I sighed

"what is it the point of this conversation?" I asked him

"I don't know, I just try to talk to you"

"then talk to me about what happened with us Charles" I said as a tear fell over my face

I don't wanna cry again, but it's involuntary

"there is nothing to discus about that"

"Charles I fucking loved you" I almost yelled

"I loved you too okay?"

"then why did you had to fucking slept with her?" I asked crying

he put his hand trough his hair

"I don't know"

"please Charles, do something so we can start it all over again"

his eyes was again looking at the ground "it's not gonna work"

"what?" I almost heard my heart cracking in thousands of pieces

"it's not going to work, we need to stop trying because it's not gonna work ever"

I stopped crying

I was just looking at him with my heart screaming inside of me

"you are a fucking coward" I told him before I run back in my room

I haven't told anyone what happened

___

"I am surprised that you are really coming to the party" Kelly told me us we entered together in the club

"yeah well, I need something to distract me" I said smiling

I come to the party because I knew that he is going to be here

if he don't wanna try anymore, I can make you see what he is loosing

so after not a very long time after I saw him, I started dancing

and in my surprise I felt some hands on my waist

"I know what are trying to do" he said

I stopped dancing and now I was facing him

"fuck Lando, you scared the shit out of me" I said when I saw him

"keep dancing" he told me as he put his hands back on my waist

"you wanna make Charles jealous, and I wanna do the same thing"

what?

"look, when you started to come back to the races, we both started to like you, one day he told me that there is no way I can ever be with you"

"I don't know what to say Lando"

"I know that we can't be together, but I wanna make Charles jealous, just like you, we don't need to kiss or something, just be close, I am not waiting for something between us, just this night"

it doesn't sound bad

"ok"

he smiled and kissed my cheek

when I looked again at Charles, he was with that girl, George's PR manager

"are you fucking kidding me?"

he was laughing with her

but in a short moment his eyes met mine and I know what I wanted to do now that he was looking right at me

I put a hand on the back of Lando's neck and I kissed him

it was a quite long kiss

we both knew what we were trying to do

and we wee right

because after we stopped kissing I looked after Charles, and I saw him leaving to the bathroom

Lando and I celebrated with shots and mojito

after these shots I decide to go a little bit out of the club

where I saw Charles

his eyes met mine again and I wanted to go back in time where we both loved each other

this time my eyes wasn't crying, but my heart does

is another kind of pain when your heart is crying but your eyes don't

"Charles I-"

"what do you want?"

"I can explain"

"I don't need you to explain anything" bullshit I am sure that he wanna know if its something between me and Lando

"compared to you I actually really can explain"

"you are drunk Maya" I think he doesn't liked my response

"I am not that drunk" now that I think about it maybe I am a little

"do you even like me?"

"you have no idea"

"for real Maya, what do you want?"

"I want you to drunk text me, saying you still need me, tell me I'm not like her, that I made you happier"

for a moment he looked me in the eyes, and I could swear that he wanted to say something, but he just walked away

he left me alone, again