I Need You

☆

after a month

I am in front of Lance's house for 10 minutes I think

my parents, our lawyers and Lance's family are already in the house

probably waiting for me

I give up

I am going home and that's all

as I was trying to escape from this house yard I bump into Lewis

"what are you doing here?" I asked him

"I can't let you do something like this without me, I wanna be sure that you are ok"

"very cute, yeah, um... I'm going home.. sooo go in there and tell them that I said hi"

"what?"

"Lewis I though that I am ready for this, but I am standing in front of his house and I just can't get in there where all these things happened"

he put his hand in mine and looked me right in the eyes

"this is the last time you need to do this. go in there, tell them what happened, and after that you don't have to talk ever again about it"

___

I was in front of them, all of them, with mom next to me and Lewis

I told them from when it starts, till the day he tried to hurt me again at the bar

I didn't cried

but instead, Lance did

he was just like me, he suffered

it was hard for me to see him in that way, he was not the monster that raped me, he was just a kind sole that happened to be high in those moments, he didn't knew what he does

but know he knows, and he is in the same shock I was

the most horror moment for me was when I needed to show them the pictures

my mom cried

his mom looked at me scared, I think she really doesn't believe then that all I said it was real

at a moment his dad stopped looking at the pictures

now they all know

I am not scared anymore, but Lance is scared, because after his parents reactions we don't know if they will continue to defend him

I wish I didn't feel sorry for him, but I know how it feels to be scared, and it's not something you wish even for your enemies

after we finished I excused myself to the bathroom because they still needed to sign some papers and other things

I went straight on the balcony

not very long after Lance came

"I can't tell you exact how sorry I am for everything May"

"it's alright everything it's going to heal.. one day"

I doesn't said it for me

I know that for me is never going to heal, but he still got a chance

I am already in a point from where I can't see the light anymore, the light that he stole from me, the light I think I will never get back

___

I wanted to feel more free now that I ended the thing with Lance case, but here I am, standing in my bed watching in a dead point

the Azerbaijan grand prix just ended, I haven't went to it, it was to much that happened with Lando, Charles and Lance at the last race

I haven't talked with Charles

the last time we talked was in front of the club

I miss him

I texted him after the Australia grand prix, I told him that I hate him for the fact that he made me suffer when he knows that I am already in a lot of problems

I was sober, now I regret that I texted him something like that

he saw the massage after seconds after I sent it

but I got no response

I think it's better that he doesn't reply to my text, because considering how he was with me after I found out, it wouldn't have been a beautiful response

it hurts when I know that I am suffering and him is probably out there in bed with her, they were so close at the party, it makes me feel sick

the last month I stayed a lot with Andrea and Clara, Lily was all this time with her family and Mick was with Lewis, George and my dad in Germany at some important meetings

Kelly comes once a week to see me, and for Penelope and Jack, we are very good friends now, she can't come so much at mine with Max, because from a while the paparazzi find out where do we live, and it's not looking good for Max to be seen at Toto Wolff's house

___

"come on Maya you can't stay in this house always and forever" Andre tells me while he grab my hand and woke me from the bed

"oh come on, what is the point?" I think he didn't care because he put some clothes in my bed and get out of my room

fine

after I get dressed I get out of the room, we 3 went out and just drive around the city

Clara's parents bought her a car, and how else can you test it if not with your friends in the middle of the town

she really doesn't care about the car or about us, because she is driving like her life depends on it

after we made a lot of pictures we stopped at a supermarket to but some drinks

we get inside of the supermarket to look at the options we have, after we choose what to buy, I went with the bottles to pay them while Clara and Andre was looking for cigarettes, I don't smoke, but they do

as I was walking to pay them, somebody walks behind me

"are you going to drink all of them?" he said laughing I reconise the french accent

"actually yes" I said smiling

"I think I need the proof for that one"

I looked at him smiling "hi ******"