CONSUME

[06] you know

***

kameron springfield

"Oh by the way," My mom began speaking as she used a large metal whisk to mix something in a glass bowl in the kitchen. "The Con's are coming too. Figured I'd invite them to take some pressure off," She shrugged at me. I'm in the dining room across from her, setting the table.

My mom calls the Conynghim's the 'Cons' because she thinks it's funny and a cute nickname. I think it's a little stupid but I don't say anything because she likes it so much. Regardless, I wish she didn't tell me so last minute that they were coming to dinner, because I am in no way prepared to interact with Axel after everything that's happened. 

I explained to my mom last night the basics of him joining the Art Club, and about the conversation I had with the principal yesterday after school. Obviously I left out all of the other personal stuff between Axel and me. But as the words left her mouth just now, I feel totally freaked out. What am I going to say to him? Does he even remember what happened at all? Is it going to be normal? 

I held back my emotions and just said, "Oh. Okay. Yeah, good thinking." I exhaled shakily, setting down the last of the silverware onto the dining table. 

"Okay, I'm going upstairs to get dressed. Let me know if you need any more help." I told my mom.  She said alright and so I walked up the stairs and headed into my bathroom. I decided to take a shower, feeling as though I had a long day at school today. 

My dad arrives in a few hours, and so we're getting dinner ready. My mother invited the Conynghim's over to lower the chances of things escalating within my family just incase my father turns out to be in a bad mood tonight (which he usually is). I wish I didn't have to do the dinner at all and could just stay in my room watching YouTube all night, but unfortunately I just can't have everything. 

I stepped in the shower, washing my body intensely and even deciding to shampoo my long curly hair. After cleaning myself well, I stepped out, looking at my naked body in the mirror. I analyzed my appearance, my rounded shoulders sitting above my heavy breasts. 

Being a size double D bra since eighth grade isn't for the weak, and it's always made me be a bit self-conscious about my body. I looked lower to my soft ribs that were concealed with fleshy curves, and my hips that dipped in and back out at my sides. I have thick thighs and pretty short legs. I raised my hands up and ran them through my curly hair, wrapping a towel on my head. 

The truth is that I don't think that my body is bad looking. In fact, I find my appearance quite alright. When I'm alone here like this in my bathroom with no one around, I feel like I have my body all to myself. Nobody else can see it or see this side of its beauty. It's only for me and I get to think it's pretty. 

But when I put on clothes and step outside, I feel like people just see this chubby girl, or someone with a round butt and big boobs. They don't see me for how I see me. Like this, in my bathroom, with no one around. I don't dislike my body, but I dislike the way that others perceive it. That they can see me in a way that I don't see myself. 

I sighed. I like myself but only when I'm alone. When there's no one to compare myself to.

I wrapped my body in a towel, and then scurried to my room where I lathered up in lotion and put on clothes. I wore a pair of gray lounge shorts, and a dark green tank top. Over that I threw a hoodie, and I put socks on my feet. After drying my hair I braided it in two long braids.