CONSUME

[25] jealousy

***

kameron springfield

"You know, we haven't even considered number ten on the list yet," Noah told me, gliding her hands across the vibrantly saturated textiles that dangled on the plastic hangers before us. I followed her actions, skimming through a couple of skirts on the rack. 

"True..." I nodded hesitantly. "I don't know about that one. My parents might murder me if I got a tattoo." 

"Oh, come on! Doesn't your mom have a couple of tattoos?" Noah asked me. She grabbed a yellow top off of the stand, and analyzed it. "Is this cute?" She followed up her question. I turned to look at the clothing. 

I nodded, "Yup." I took it from her, tossing it into the cart. We're shopping since it's a Saturday. I don't really need any clothes in particular, but Noah has been harping on me about updating my wardrobe before I go off to college. She's very stylish, and my lack of interest in fashion has always irked her. 

"My mom has a tattoo on her ankle," I continued our conversation. "But even then, my father never fails to make some judgmental comment about it. He hates it on her." 

Noah rolled her eyes, "Seriously, is it any of his business if she has a tattoo?"

I shrugged, because my father shunning my mom is something that I'm used to. It makes perfect sense to me that he would punish her for things like that. Hell, he's abused her verbally and physically for things that are much more insignificant.

"Anyways," Noah caught my distaste, "You should still get one. Just get it where no one will see!"

I sighed. I can't deny that the idea of a tattoo is appealing to me. I think that they're cool, and I've always wondered what it would be like to get one. It will probably hurt, but I think having a design on your body is worth it. I pursed my lips, debating the idea. Noah spoke, "It's on the agenda. We agreed to complete everything on the list! Come on, you can do a really tiny tattoo in an invisible spot. Our parents don't have to know about it at all!" She encouraged me. 

"If you really don't want to do it though," She gave in, "I won't force you obviously. But I think it'll be fun!" 

I shook my head, "No, I want to. To be honest, I think tattoos are cool. It's scary to think that I'd get one, but at the same time you're right. We're only eighteen years old once-- we should just make the most of it." 

"Yes!" Noah exclaimed, taking a pair of jeans off of the shelf in front of us. She opened them and looked at the tag. "Size 04 should fit me, right?" She asked, looking down at her waist. "I feel like I've gained some weight." 

I rolled my eyes, taking the pants from her and putting them in the cart. "Shut up, Noah. Your body is literally perfect." I clicked my tongue and noted that her body looks perfectly toned and in shape, the way it always does. "You haven't gained weight at all. You look beautiful."

"Oh please," Noah smiled. "Thanks." 

I know my compliment induced confidence within her, which made me happy. I can't stand to see her insecure, because she's supposed to be the headstrong one out of the two of us. I'm typically the one feeling down about myself. 

Recently though, I must admit that my relationship with my self-image has improved. I don't know why... Perhaps, a part of my increase in self-confidence is maybe because of... Recent events. 

But no, I shouldn't rely on a guy-- especially a guy like Axel, to define my self worth. Still, the way he looks at me and the way he touches me zaps me with an internal and external sense of beauty. He's unlocked emotions and feelings about myself that I didn't know I had.