CONSUME

[12] nothing good

***

kameron springfield

"So," I repeated awkwardly. "Do you smoke a lot?" I asked, observing his lips around the joint. He inhaled again, seeming like he swallowed the smoke, and then he let it out. He studied my face, eyes cold but deep. He clenched his teeth together, some smoke coming out of his nose. Slowly, he nodded 'yes.' As if he wasn't sure if he wanted to reply to me or not. 

"Okay." I said. I wanted to stop my eyes from being so focused on him. But I couldn't rip my gaze away, when his body and face are simply such an amazing sight. I know I said I'd let all of these thoughts for him go, but I'm two and a half bottles of beer in, and have smoked weed for the first time in a while. I can try and promise myself not to act on any of my thoughts, but that doesn't mean that they'll cease to exist.

 "So, how often?" I asked. 

Again, he hesitated. Unsure of what he wanted to say, and wary of conversing with me. I could tell because in his eyes I could read what he was thinking. It's as if the alcohol was opening a door for me-- a door to his thoughts. Or maybe I'm just wasted. And hallucinating. That's probably it. 

"Few times a week, maybe." He said. "Used to be a lot more when I was younger." He answered. I nodded. Rubbing my lips together I tasted the remnants of the beer. "How young?" I asked. 

And he answered again, "Twelve." 

My eyebrows raised, finding that age quite young. But I quickly reverted my expression back to its neutral one, not in any place to judge him. I'm hammered off of my ass right now, for goodness sakes. 

"You?" He questioned me back. I shrugged, "Once in a while. Tonight's the first time in a few months." I said. My vision was getting heavy, the drunkenness taking over. "I like it though, it's good. I think so, at least. Well, everything just feel easier when I'm not sober."

Axel's lips curled up slightly, but they fell back in a straight line pretty quick. "Everything is easier. Seems that way, anyways." He licked his teeth. 

His line of sight fell from my eyes and down to my lips. 

I gulped, remembering what Noah said before she went inside. 

"You've been staring at me all night?" I asked. "Is that right?"

Axel's eyes went lower at my words, dancing across my collarbone. Then, they went down more, to my chest. All of the blood in my body rushed upwards into my face, my cheeks getting hot and not from the water temperature in this pool. "No." Axel said quietly. "I haven't." He said it matter-of-factly, but somehow his tone and persisting eyes are expressing the opposite.

He licked his lips, looking at one of my breasts and then slowly analyzing the other. My stomach started to flip and twirl, knees locking and thighs tensing. All just from his shameless stare. He's being disrespectful right now. Looking at me with such cavernous lust. 

But I must be perverted as well then. Because why does it turn me on? Yet, his eyes lingering in places that they probably shouldn't resurfaced insecurities that had been playing on my mind earlier today. Is he looking because he likes what he sees? Or are those lurking eyes actually scrutinizing me? Or critiquing the way that my body looks? With these thoughts unfortunately creeping into my brain, I took my arms and brought them to my chest. I covered them as much as I could, but they're large. And so my arms didn't do me justice.