Accidental Love

Where Are You?

"Come on Tom" she said aloud for the hundredth time. It was kicking on for almost 1am and still no call. He'd texted VERY briefly when they landed in Saigon and had promised to call her later. Later had come and gone. She looked at the clock, willing it to stop, willing him to call.

She felt sick and nervous, not because of junior but in the back of her head, a sixth sense was niggling at her. Something was wrong. Very wrong. She flicked the kettle on and turned to look at the little Gorilla sitting on the kitchen table, this time with a pair of tiny ribbons; one pink, one blue, round his neck. Cheesy it might have been but they always said a picture paints a thousand words.

Her lunch date with Luke had gone about as well as she could ever have hoped for. He'd sat, quiet as a mouse while she told him, looking pale and slightly scared. "Are you ok Luke?" she'd asked squeezing his hand gently. "I'm only pregnant, not sick! I'm not about to die, quite the opposite if you think about it!"

He'd looked at her for a minute then broke into a huge smile. "Yes, yes you ARE aren't you. Sorry, I wasn't really thinking, I was thinking how terrified I would be. But you? You're positively glowing Becks! Tom must be thrilled." he reached over, half standing to kiss her cheek.

She bit her lip and grimaced. "Ah, well, there's the thing." she gave a sheepish smile "he doesn't actually know?"

"WHAT!"

"I didn't want him to worry, or put this off, I wanted him to be focussed. He was so excited to be doing this film. I waited until the last minute and as it turned out, the last minute was too late. He fell asleep on me last night and I didn't wake this morning." she shrugged. "It's going to have to be facetime tonight it seems." she burst out laughing at Luke's expression.

"You ARE telling him, please PROMISE me you're telling him?" he begged "I can keep a secret with the best of them, but this? This is too much, even for me!" he stood up. "Come on, finish that cake, we're going shopping. You need clothes. Mummy clothes. And no, I don't mean cardigans and tan coloured tights. I mean proper, nice, look at me I'm a mummy to be clothes!"

She blushed and looked round "Shhhh Luke, someone will hear you!" she giggled, "whatever will they think is going on?"

"Oh Becks, in a few short weeks EVERYONE will not just think, but KNOW what's been going on!" He winked, "now come on. To the shops, before your ankles - or your bladder - give out." He held out a hand and she grasped it firmly.

"Ok, lead on. But you're not paying for anything. Even if you ARE a Godfather-To-Be!"

He stopped dead in his tracks. "No! ME? Really?" his eyes filled and his face flushed. She nodded and hugged him where they stood.

"Who else? Who else would I trust with my deepest, most precious secret." she smiled and kissed his cheek. "I love you like a brother Luke, I don't have one to ask to be a Godfather, so, well you're it! And you'll be amazing."

She had no idea at that moment, just how amazing he would have to be.

Becky paced the floor, another hour had gone by. It wasn't like Tom to do this. Not call when he said he would. Not this, not complete radio silence. She wasn't annoyed, no. She was worried. Given where he was in the world, she was now very worried.

As she chided herself again there was a knock at the door. At this time of night? She walked to the door and looked out the peep hole and saw Luke. But not just Luke. Luke and Tom's mum Diana, together with another woman she didn't recognise. Pulling it open, she saw the glazed expressions on all their faces. His mum walked forward, her arms outstretched. In her face, Becky could see everything she feared in one place, she could see the tears in all their eyes.

Her head swam, and she felt instantly burning hot and ice cold at the same time. The blood roared in her ears. Her last thought was one word -Tom!

As she collapsed, strong arms caught her and carried her inside. Luke carried her into the living room and laid her on the sofa. Diana sat on the edge of it and stroked Becky's cheek as Luke went to the kitchen to get some water.

"Becky, Becky love, come on it's Diana, it's me." she watched as Becky's eyes opened and immediately she sat bolt upright. Terror written all over her face.

"What happened?" she asked, grabbing at the older lady's arms "Tell me, please, was there an accident? Is he ok?" there was silence and the three others looked at each other, before Diana wrapped her arms around Becky.

"You have to be strong Lovely, stronger than you ever thought you can be." she pulled back "the truth is we don't know. We just don't know."

"What?" Becky started to laugh, "This is a joke right? A sick joke?" she shook her head "How can you NOT KNOW?" she raised her voice "HES YOUR SON HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW?" she stared for a moment then started to cry. Diana nodded and smiled sadly.

"I know, it's crazy. I know love, shhhhhh" she hugged her again then took her hand. "They never made it to the camp. Disappeared between there and where the boat dropped them off. When they hadn't turned up by nightfall, they sent a search party." she paused and Becky could see her wrestling with a decision.

"Tell me. Whatever it is, please, tell me."

"They found... NOT TOM Becky... but they found a body. The guide. He'd been shot in the head."

"Oh Jesus Christ" Becky ripped her hands from Diana and covered her mouth, she felt as sick as she ever had. Pushing past her and running to the bathroom, she vomited. Luke came in after her, offering a washcloth and water.

"I haven't told anyone, but I think you might have to Becks, this is serious. You need to take care." he said in a low voice. She looked at him as she rinsed her mouth, nodding. They walked back into the living room and sat down, Becky now clutching Luke and Diana's hands.

"So he's gone? Disappeared?" she suddenly felt more calm than she ever had in her life. It was as if the need to protect her child from the stress had overridden everything else she was feeling.

"Yes, they found a couple of packs, and the satellite phone - destroyed - but nothing else. It might be drug runners, it might be militia. They just don't know. Whoever it is, no doubt they will be in touch once someone clocks who they've got."

"We've launched an investigation and a search, rest assured we're doing everything we can." the voice was unfamiliar, it was the other woman that had arrived with Luke and Diana. Becky turned,

"Forgive me but who exactly are you?" she turned to the tall brunette with the careful expression.

"Sarah, Sarah Canning, Metropolitan Police Family Liaison." she smiled, this time more warmly "Can I tell you something Becky?" she came and sat in the chair opposite. Becky nodded, there was no reason to take this out on Sarah.

"Well, in my experience - sadly I have a fair bit - if they don't kill them on the spot, there's every chance they won't kill them at all. Hostages, for that is how we see Tom and the crew in the face of any other evidence, are valuable. Dead ones are not. Especially famous dead ones."

"Is that supposed to make us feel better?" Diana interjected, a note of sarcasm as well as desperation in her voice.

"No, I guess not." Sarah looked at them , at that moment looking as helpless as the rest of them. "But it's all I have."

Becky smiled at her, "It's ok. You're only doing your job." she turned to Diana. "I have something to tell you that just might take the edge off this horror." she glanced at Luke who nodded slightly. "Diana," she took her hand in both of hers "I hope you can knit." she smiled as Diana stared at her incredulous, "Yes, you're going to be a Granny."

For a moment the two women looked at each other, then as one, burst into tears and hugged tightly. This moment of shared grief and hope and joy would sustain them through the following nightmare. It would be days, they told themselves, it would only be days. He'd be home, it would all be ok. This would all be over before they had time to knit even one bootee for junior.

Little did they realise that days so easily turn into a much longer span of time.

Long enough for several dozen pairs of bootees and for a baby to be ready to be born.