All Of My Silences Will Be Your Words [English Vers. - FINISHED]

Chapter Five

The evening was full of hugs and kisses, especially when Olivia and Mr Lee returned. They all seemed very moved to see Felix again, and also very happy. The meal passed off with the same joyful touch, and the evening continued with their shared memories told by the fireplace. At this point, I slipped away, my throat constricted by an emotion I didn't like to feel. Jealousy. I envied them for having memories to tell, family memories. My own past consisted of nightmares and loneliness locked up in an orphanage.

Except that they had nothing to do with it ; I would never have wanted them to have the same story as me. So I discreetly went back up to my room, and sat down by the window to watch the night that had already fallen several hours earlier. I picked up the cuddly toy that was already there when I arrived and gave it a big hug; a big teddy bear that must have been at least half my size. It had the smell of home, a smell I'd adopted over the past month.

- I remember that teddy bear. I got him for my fifth birthday, I think. said a voice behind my back.

I gasped and turned back to the deep voice that had pulled me out of my thoughts. Felix was standing in the doorway, obviously reluctant to enter.

- Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. He exclaimed immediately. It's just that... When I saw you take Nours, it made me think back to my childhood.

Nours ? I looked down at the bear in my arms, then up at Felix with a questioning eyebrow.

He understood immediately, and nodded as he slowly entered my room before pushing the door shut behind him.

- Yes, this big bear has a name. He agreed. Nours.

He smiled at me again, and the jealousy that had been clenching my throat since I'd gone upstairs melted a little. Feeling better, I put the bear - sorry, Nours - down on the chair and went to find my notebook on my desk, which I used to communicate with the Lee family. We'd bought it a few days after my adoption when we came back to the store, and this time Madame Lee had been careful not to leave me alone. So I'd chosen a burgundy notebook, with two thin black ribbon-like lines intertwining on the cover. My two favorite colors.

I opened it and grabbed a pencil.

I really like the name Nours.

Why didn't you stay downstairs with your family ?

I would have liked to have found something else to say, but as usual, I was blocked. Before giving it to him, I read and reread again, hoping that an idea would cross my mind. But nothing. How... Frustrating and... Lame !

- Thank you. When I was five, I thought it was a cool name. Now I think it sounds a bit babyish.

I hadn't heard him approach, and his breath caressed my cheek. I turned my head and looked up at him. He was right behind me, reading over my shoulder.

Earlier, I hadn't noticed that his freckles went all the way up to his eyes... He even had a few on his temples.

I could see his eyes reading my second question.

- Oh... He said when he'd finished.

A smile stretched his lips.

- Well... I was a little sorry to see you go off on your own. I thought it'd be nice to talk to you alone for a bit, to get to know you better. Mom told me you don't like to talk when there are lots of people around, so I didn't insist at dinner. He explained slowly.

He seemed to be searching for words as he spoke, as if he was afraid of hurting my feelings or making me uncomfortable.

In the face of my silence, he glanced at me, a gaze that had not left my question throughout his answer.

- If you want me to leave, of course I can! I don't want to disturb you. Do you want me to go ?

I'm thinking. Did I want him to go ? Not necessarily... He was kind, and adapted easily to me. After all, I hadn't come up here looking for solitude... I just wanted to get away from my jealousy, which was growing a little stronger as the discussion went on.

Finally, I shook my head in the negative and answered his last question.

***

Felix had been watching him since he arrived. He was curious. Very curious, in fact, about this new addition to his family. He hadn't had any photos, and she'd also refused to participate in the FaceTime conversations he'd had with her family. He'd talked a lot about her with his parents, especially his mother, who spent an enormous amount of time with Sae-Jin. And the more he learned about her, the more his desire to get to know her grew. What was she like ? What did she like ? What did she hate ? Would they get on well together ? Would she be afraid of him ?

On his mother's advice, he'd bought her a little welcome present. He'd also bought presents for his whole family, as he liked to do, and it was obvious to him that he should give one to Sae-Jin.

His mother had told him she loved black and burgundy. Loving black himself, he had smiled, thinking that this was the first thing they had in common. So, after doing a bit of shopping before leaving for Australia, he had found a lovely, slender gold bracelet set with black and red stones. He'd found it perfect for Sae-Jin.

When he'd first met her gaze, he'd held his breath at the sight of her, clinging to the kitchen door like a lifeline. It was as if she were terrified of his presence. This sudden understanding had torn him from his ebony gaze, and he'd smiled at her and waved his hand, as if waving the white flag. His older sister had then taken the lead in welcoming him to the table. Felix figured that continuing his conversation with his mother and sister was the best way to make her feel less afraid. It would make her feel less watched, he thought.

And his technique had worked, as she had quietly and discreetly moved to the end of the table next to Rachael ; sure, she looked ready to run away at any moment, but at least she was sitting down. Her ebony eyes stared back at them, attentive to the slightest movement. She had tied her dark hair back in a ponytail, clearing her face and thus her expression. As she did so, he lost some of his terror, giving way to curiosity.

The discussion then drifted to the possibility of snow during his stay. Sae-Jin's reaction had surprised him, then made him wonder. Why couldn't she see or understand the way they saw things ? At what point had she become so lonely that she no longer felt the joy of sharing something with others ? Or... How low had she sunk to think that her presence wouldn't change anything ?

Her questions had been plaguing his mind all evening, though he had taken his mind off them several times, glad to see his people again. When Felix saw her tiptoeing up the stairs after dinner, he couldn't help but follow her. How could he not ? She intrigued him, and he couldn't calm his curiosity. Seeing her so hurt had also touched him deeply. Deep down, he already knew that even if they didn't know each other, he wanted to help her. Protect her.