All Of My Silences Will Be Your Words [English Vers. - FINISHED]

Chapter Twenty

We were going to meet the other members of the group at the apartment Felix had found in a hurry a day earlier for the two of us. The good news was that the apartment was great: big enough for two, and not gigantic as I'd feared it would be ; modern ; clean ; in short, perfect. Maybe I was content with little and thought everything was great since I'd never had a small place of my own, but it put me in a good mood. Felix also seemed happy with the apartment, given the enthusiasm with which he was moving his stuff from his old place to our brand new one. I'd never seen anyone with so many stuffed animals, for that matter. Or with so much stuff at all.

The bad news was that I was starting to panic at the idea of meeting Felix's friends. I was unsurprisingly asking myself a ton of questions, and I was running around in circles following Felix everywhere whenever he turned up with new stuff.

- Breathe, Sae, Felix comforted me as he put his stuffed animals away. The guys are like my family ; you'll get on well with them, you'll see ! It's true that seven at once can be impressive, but they're all great and they'll understand if you ever need to take a breather.

About fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang, making me want to run and hide in the bathroom. Or the bathroom. Or the bedroom. Or... In short, anywhere no one would be.

- I'll get the door, come with me, you'll see it's going to be fine. Felix says, taking my hand and leading me to the entrance.

I'd have protested if a stone hadn't stuck in my throat... And a minute later, a human storm entered through the door of our new apartment.

- Hello everyone !

- Hello !!!

- Hello, bride and groom! How are things at home ?!

- Binnie brought the meat, and I brought dessert. Where should I put this ?

- Careful, I'll bring the food !!!

- SeungMin in the buildiiing has arrived !

I clung to Felix's arm, and let myself be carried along, trying to say hello to everyone as best I could, and trying to remember everyone's first names at the same time. I understood better why Rachael and Olivia laughed when they said Felix and the group were noisy ; personally I found the adjective far too weak for what it actually was, but surprisingly, I could get away with it. I don't know if it was because I was glued to Felix and his presence soothed me, or if it was just that I'd grown up, but either way, I was coping better than I thought.

After a while, I began to relax, feeling the same atmosphere as in Felix's family, as he himself had promised me a few hours earlier. I didn't understand everything, as they sometimes spoke in Korean, but they tried as hard as they could to speak in English to integrate me, for which I was very grateful. The evening was spent mainly on the sofa in the living room, with food on the coffee table and a good dose of good humor. They talked about anything and everything, from lighter, happier subjects to deeper discussions. This is how I learned that JiSung also had panic attacks, that JeongIn had a ton of shoes, and that HyunJin loved to draw and paint.

Learning a little more about them made me feel a little closer to their group, their family, the eight of them. Felix's second family, just as great and caring as the first one I'd met this year.

This evening gave me great hope: it made me want to learn Korean as quickly as possible ; to discover so many more things, whether about the country of my childhood or about our new and still unknown life together with Felix. And also... I realized that, seeing Felix with his family this evening, I still felt that envy and jealousy that gnawed at my insides. It was like the first night at the Lees' when Felix had come into my life. At first I thought I just wanted something I'd never have: happy memories of my childhood to share. Now, with the little distance I'd already begun to gain, I realized that beyond those memories, I wanted to meet my family too. The parents who had abandoned me, to get answers. To know why, why they had decided to abandon me, to let go of my hand when I still needed them.

It was on that memorable evening that I made myself a promise : to find out the truth about me, about my childhood, and to trace my parents.

***

It was nearly midnight when Felix finally found himself alone with Sae-Jin, waving to the others through the living-room window.

- Quite, yes, she agreed, holding back a yawn. But a bit tiring. Your friends have energy to spare.

Her remark made him laugh; he had to agree with her on this one! But given the smile she was giving him, it didn't seem to bother her too much.

- Shall we go to bed ? He suggested, yawning in turn. I'll have to get up early tomorrow.

- Good idea, I've been dreaming of a soft mattress and comforter for nearly half an hour now, she laughed.

She pushed back a strand of hair that had escaped from her ponytail, and began to make her way back to the bedroom before stopping dead in her tracks.

- Weeeeell... You want me to sleep on the sofa bed ? She suddenly blurted out in an embarrassed little voice, turning to face him.

- Why would you want me to... Ah. Oh yes, I forgot about that. He stammered back.

In his haste to find an apartment in just one day, he hadn't checked the number of beds, so they'd ended up with a one-bedroom apartment with a double bed and a sofa bed in the living room. Felix hadn't thought about this "little" detail until they entered the apartment for the first time and he realized it. In their haste to tidy up a bit before the boys arrived, they'd decided to put it off.

Felix didn't want to force her to sleep with him. But he didn't mind if she did.

- Well, it's been a pretty good evening, don't you think ? Lix commented, turning to Sae-Jin.

She turned back to him and gently wrapped her arm around his.

- Well... You... Well, he continued awkwardly, fumbling for words, do you want to sleep on your own ? I don't mind, I just don't want to force you, he explained, scratching the back of his head to hide his embarrassment.

He was sure his ears were already crayfish red. He raised his eyes from the floor to Sae-Jin. She was wringing her hands as she thought, involuntarily rocking back and forth with one foot on top of the other. Felix thought she looked cute in her extra-large burgundy-red T-shirt and skinny jeans. She was dressed in a very simple outfit, but whatever she wore, Felix thought it was gorgeous.

After weighing up the pros and cons for a good five minutes, Sae finally spoke, in a tone so low that Felix had to strain his ear to hear her properly.

- I don't mind sleeping with you either, she mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

Just like that, he thought with a smile, there were two of them with red ears now.