All Of My Silences Will Be Your Words [English Vers. - FINISHED]

Chapter Ten

It was strange. At first, when he saw her start to cry, he thought he'd gone too far ; making her sad by talking about things she perhaps didn't want to think about. Then... After asking him what was wrong, forgetting that she couldn't answer him aloud, she began to smile. Smiling at him, through the tears that bathed her cheeks, reddened by the cold. Her heart clenched, beating harder. He wanted to ask her why she was crying and smiling at the same time. He wanted to ask her why she could make him forget everything around them when he watched her laugh. He wanted to ask her why she had such an effect on him when they hardly knew each other. He wanted to talk to her about so many things, and have her answer him, even though he didn't know why he wanted to be so chatty with her. He wanted to get to know her, to know what her passions were, what her fears were, what she loved, what she hated... He wanted to know it all so badly, it made him dizzy.

He blinked, watching Sae-Jin wipe her cheeks softly and sniffle. She returned his gaze, asking a mute question, as if wondering why he was watching her in silence. Or so Felix thought. After all, he couldn't read her mind... How could he know what she was wondering ?

He would have liked to tell her something, he who wanted to know so much about her, and yet when he opened his mouth, he didn't know what to say.

- EEEEEH FEEEEELIIIIIIX !!!! SAAAAEEE-JIIIIIIIIIN !

Felix gasped at Olivia's voice and jumped back, his cheeks on fire. He certainly didn't want his sister to think something had happened between them when...

Olivia sped past them on an improvised sled, her hair blowing in the wind. Relieved, Felix huffed as he sat down next to Sae-Jin, and followed his sister's unstoppable run with his eyes. In the distance, higher up, Rachael could be seen squealing with delight as she hopped through the snow, cheering on her younger sister. Seeing them like this made Felix smile, and his heart felt lighter again. He turned to Sae-Jin, who was also smiling.

- I'd offer to go tobogganing, but garbage can lids aren't super comfortable and safe, he joked.

His comment was met with a hearty laugh from Sae-Jin, as Olivia involuntarily illustrated her brother's words by ending her run in a bush.

Felix in turn burst out laughing as he watched his sister disentangle herself among the dead branches, while Rachael descended towards them. What a joy to hear Sae-Jin's laugh again... Light, gentle, like a discreet little laugh but so... Happy.

- Too bad... Said Rachael breathlessly as she stopped at their level, I didn't think to film Livia !

- We can force her back on the sled, though, Felix remarked, still laughing.

- Even if it took three of us, I don't think we could do it, giggled Rachael.

- What are you talking about ?! Olivia exclaimed as she came running towards them.

Her hair was a mess, her coat and scarf were full of snow, and one of her shoelaces was undone.

- Nothing special, replied Rachael. Well, who wants to go inside ? I'm getting cold !

Felix stood up and brushed the snow off his coat.

- Me too, he nodded, before turning to Sae-Jin.

He held out his hand to help her up, which she did with a smile. Her fingers were cold, like little icicles between his palm... And she withdrew her fingers as quickly as possible, avoiding his gaze. Were her cheeks red from the cold, or was it their brief contact that had made her blush ?

Sae-Jin "changed the subject" by nodding in Rachael's direction, and Olivia began chattering her teeth, signalling their retreat to the Lee house.

Olivia and Rachael led the way in a hurry, obviously freezing to death. Felix turned to Sae-Jin, who returned his gaze with a smile. A little embarrassed, he cleared his throat before asking what was on his mind.

- Do you want some help with the terrace ? He offered, extending his hand towards her.

He told himself, as she watched him for a few seconds, visibly gauging his hand with her eyes, that he'd only offered out of kindness. He didn't want her to slip on the gel again and hurt herself, did he ?

Sae-Jin gently slipped her hand into his, and looked away from him, pretending to look at the terrace.

Her hand was as cold as his, and her fingers were smaller than his.

Of course he'd only offered out of kindness. Why else ? He didn't tend to lie...

They walked cautiously to the door of the house, while Felix felt the tips of his ears redden.

Of course he wasn't lying. It wasn't his fault he liked to feel her little hand in his.

***

It wasn't that I was holding his hand. It was the first time I'd done something like that, and I was curious... Felix's hand was warmer than mine, and bigger too. I thought his fingers would be a bit rough, as they're sometimes described in books. But he wasn't. Was it the cold that had numbed my senses ? Or were his hands naturally soft ?

I'd stopped looking at him the instant I'd slipped my fingers between his, a little embarrassed. In books, it was couples who held hands. Not us. Fortunately, Felix didn't say a word, and we walked cautiously back to the house.

Once in the entrance hall, warmed by the warmth of the house and with cheeks still flushed from the cold (or embarrassment on my part, and I had the impression that Felix was in the same case as me from the shifty look on his face), we stumbled straight into Madame Lee and the girls... Who turned in our direction when they heard the front door.

- There you two are ! Madame Lee greeted us warmly.

- What took you so long, commented Olivia.

Indeed, she and Rachael had already taken off their snow-damp coats and put their slippers back on.

- We didn't want to slip on the frost on the terrace, explained Felix. Sae-Jin fell earlier on the way out, he added in the direction of his mother.

The latter turned to me with surprise and a little concern.

- Oh ! She blurted out. Are you all right ?

I smiled at her and nodded. I'd forgotten all about our clasped hands when Olivia casually called us to order.

- Is that why you're holding hands ? Were you afraid you'd get frostbite ?

The heat that had descended from my cheeks rose again within seconds, and I felt Felix's hand drop mine in surprise.

- Uh, yes, that's it, he mumbled.

I looked at the girls in turn, nodding in agreement. Olivia had already stopped calculating us, but Rachael raised a skeptical eyebrow. She was surprisingly quiet, and I carefully avoided her gaze, preferring to concentrate on Madame Lee's words.

- Why don't we go for a walk this afternoon ? She suggested, taking our coats from Felix and me. There's a little funfair nearby, it'll be lovely in the snow !

Her three children nodded happily, and I smiled. I wondered what a real fair was like. I'd only seen them in films or read about them in books. Were there any cotton candy stands ? A Ferris wheel ? Or...

- How do you like the program, Sae-Jin ? Madame Lee asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I blinked several times. Was I tempted ? After our morning in the snow, I was more enthusiastic than usual, and above all I was curious. With this family, I wanted to discover everything.