All Of My Silences Will Be Your Words [English Vers. - FINISHED]

Epilogue ~ Part One

Breathless and with my leg muscles on fire, I looked up at Felix, who was at least ten steps ahead of me.

- But... Where are we... Going... ?! I shouted in his direction, nearly choking on my own saliva.

Lix slowed down to turn his head towards me, but didn't stop.

- Hurry up, I promised my mother we'd be on time! he urged, deliberately avoiding my question.

He held out his hand.

- Come on, we're almost there, cheer up. He encouraged me with a small smile (slightly sadistic, if you ask me).

- I can't take it anymore, and if you want us to be on time like you promised your mother, maybe we should go back down instead of playing sports on a Sunday morning !

- Come on, darling, we're almost to the top and you want to come back down! he teased, pulling me towards him.

I pouted and followed him without replying, too out of breath to say anything else. We climbed a few more flights of stairs, and finally arrived at a door leading to the roof of the building Felix had just forced me to climb at nine o'clock in the morning.

He'd dragged me out of bed an hour earlier, super-excited, and told me to put on a pair of jogging pants and a jacket quickly because he had a surprise for me. I was thrilled and curious, until he told me we'd have to go up ten flights of stairs for some reason.

- And can't your surprise get down the stairs instead ? I squeaked, already tired of what he was asking me to do.

- But no, you'll see, it's worth it !

And that's how I'd ended up climbing all the floors of a building at nine in the morning... Because apparently the elevator had broken down (but I wasn't too sure about that... And I rather suspected that Lix had sold me the elevator story to force me to climb all the floors on foot).

- Well, are you ready for your surprise ? Lix said cheerfully, one hand on the door handle, the other still in mine.

I nodded, still too out of breath to answer. Damn, those stairs had almost killed me.

Lix opened the door and let me go first. The sunlight forced me to put my hand in my visor as I made my way onto the roof. I was somewhat expecting to see balloons and banners to celebrate our two years together as a couple, so I looked for them at first, turning my head from right to left and frowning.

- Stop being a meerkat and get a move on, laughed Felix behind my back.

- I was looking for the surprise that got me up ten flights of stairs... I grumbled, trying to justify myself.

Felix laughed again and pulled me by the hand to the center of the roof. I still couldn't see anything and was really beginning to wonder why he'd brought me all this way...

- Are you going to ask me to marry you ? I said, only half-joking (just in case, in the other half, he was really going to do it, and I didn't want to hurt or offend him anyway).

To my relief, he laughed and shook his head negatively.

- Stop talking nonsense, he replied, we're being filmed.

- Oh shit, this is worse than a marriage proposal ! I exclaimed, furtively searching for the hidden camera. No, but have you seen my face ?!

- You're perfect, he contradicted, taking my hands in his.

- Perfectly drenched in sweat and absolutely no make-up on, you mean. I grumbled ironically.

He rolled his eyes and stared into mine, smiling. Docile, I stood back to let him explain what we were doing here, even if my serious expression wasn't very convincing.

- Stop laughing, Felix commented. Be serious for two minutes, and for real. I'd like to tell you something, and it has to do with our presence on this roof.

- Okay, I promise I'll listen seriously. I nodded.

- It's our two-year anniversary today, and I wanted to mark the occasion ; but a little differently this year. That's why I took you up to the roof this morning : I wanted to do something with you, but something symbolic, not with balloons and confetti, he explained, winking at me as the balloons passed by.

- Very funny, I said, sticking my tongue out at him. Carry on.

Lix pulled me by the hand to the edge of the roof, where we had a magnificent view of Seoul.

- Wow... I sighed.

The sun was almost up, and the orange and pink colors of the sky were superb. The city seemed to be suspended between night and day, still a little asleep but awake all the same.

- Do you remember your arrival here ? Lix asked in the same tone.

His hand was still in mine, and he was drawing little circles on my palm with his thumb.

- Yes, I said, half-smiling. I was terrified. And I couldn't understand Korean. I laughed.

The memories came flooding back ; with time, my old fears had faded, leaving more room for happy memories and new emotions. I still had days without and days with, moments when my voice was a mess, but I was better. Much better. There were more days with than without. And I had Felix. I gave him a sidelong glance. His eyes were on the view, a smile hanging on his lips, his gaze sparkling but lost in his own thoughts.

- I was terrified, but I knew I was going to be okay, because you were there. I completed in a breath. I wasn't alone anymore.

I was with you.

Lix met my gaze with a wink.

- Even without me, you would have succeeded, Sae. He corrected. That's why I brought you here. I wanted to tell you that you're stronger than you think. You went alone to find your parents, alone to see them, alone to make peace with your past before coming back to me. My new Sae-Jin 2.0. So now you're going to scream at the top of your lungs that you're strong and capable of anything. He finished, pointing to the horizon.

I was so unprepared for this that I stared at him blankly for a few seconds, a doubtful expression painted on my face.

- You've been bawling, do you need a reset? Lix joked at my expression.

- I wouldn't scream like a madwoman from the top of a build...

- Yes, you will. I'll do it right now. Lix cut me off. I can do it with you if you want.

Putting his money where his mouth was, he stood on the edge of the roof and cupped his hands before taking a deep breath. I was torn between amusement and disbelief as I watched him do it.

- SAE-JIN LEE IS CAPABLE OF ANYTHING ! SHE'S STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, SMART AND FUNNY ! AND I'M THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD BECAUSE SHE'S WITH MEEEEEE !!!!

At the end, his voice took a turn for the worse, drawing a laugh from me as he sounded a bit silly. Still, as ridiculous as I thought it was, my heart filled and my smile wouldn't go away.

Lix climbed down and turned to me. With his hands on his hips and a satisfied look on his face, he pointed to where he'd been standing a few seconds earlier.

- Now it's your turn.

From the look on his face, I could kiss my attempts to escape his idea good-bye. I capitulated and did what he had asked me to do. I cupped my hands, wondering what I was going to say.

- You'll see, once you've started, the rest will take care of itself, Lix encouraged me behind my back with enthusiasm.

But I couldn't think of anything, and I couldn't say what Lix had said again. I couldn't feel comfortable even thinking about his words, and deep down I knew it was because I didn't mean them. I didn't think I was beautiful or smart or strong or anything. Realizing this made me angry. Because I couldn't do what Lix had asked me to do, because I didn't even feel strong enough to do something so simple.

So I took a deep breath and screamed at the horizon with all my might.