All Of My Silences Will Be Your Words [English Vers. - FINISHED]

Chapter Fourteen

Felix,

I just wanted to apologize for chasing you out of my room earlier. I could see you were disappointed. I'm sorry, Felix. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I needed to write down what was in my heart after your lovely speech. It warmed my heart in a way I've never felt before, except maybe when you kissed me this afternoon.

I, too, am lost and confused by it all. This is the first time I've kissed someone, had a relationship with people as close as your family. I've never known the love of home, or I can't remember. I've never known the love of people who really care about you, for who you are and who accept you as you are, even if you're not perfect.

You are my firsts, whether it's my first family dinners or my first games in the snow. You're also my first. My first kiss, my first love. I love you too, Felix Lee. The kind of love I thought only possible in books and movies, the kind that makes you euphoric, that makes you smile for no reason. You make my life lighter, this life that I found so monotonous and dull. You've filled it with color with your smiles, warmed it with your kindness.

Even though I still don't know everything about you, you intrigued me from the start and I love you. I don't care if it goes too fast, or if we're wrong. Let's fool around together. Let's eat more cotton candy and kiss, even if the sugar sticks to my hair. Let's have snowball fights again, even if I end up in tears because I realize how lucky I am since I've been with you.

I'm not afraid of your fame. Because when I'm with you, I feel good, I feel protected. People can talk, but if I'm with you, I know everything will be all right.

I wanted to write you all this, because I'm incapable of saying it out loud, even if I don't want to. I'm sorry if I hurt you earlier. I hope my words will be enough to ease your disappointment a little.

And once again, I love you.

Sae-Jin

Felix looked up from the letter he'd just found on top of his suitcase. His eyes moistened and he sniffed, thinking to himself that he was really crying over nothing. He'd had an emotional evening, and all's well that ends well, right ? He had no reason to cry like that.

He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, carefully folding the letter. Sae's words warmed his heart. She loved him. She'd told him so. For real.

He vaguely heard footsteps hurrying towards him, and before he knew what was happening, he felt Sae's perfume all around him, and arms tightening around him. Sae rested her head on his back and held him tightly, gently and firmly. He closed his eyes and let himself go against her, torn between wanting to cry and smile. She loved him.

Suddenly, more footsteps from the staircase startled him. He opened his eyes to find Olivia a little surprised and lost.

- Who died ? She finally blurted out.

Her voice snapped Sae out of her thoughts, and she in turn jumped, letting go of him as if she'd been burned by seeing Olivia at the bottom of the stairs.

- Uh... Nobody. You can go back to bed, Livie. He replied, wiping away his tears.

He got to his feet, clearing his throat, and smiled at his sister to convince her that all was well, but she raised an eyebrow and pouted.

- May I know why you're crying then ? She asked, unconvinced. And Sae was giving you a hug ! Sae, answer yes or no : is he lying to me or not ? she demanded, turning to Sae-Jin.

The latter stiffened and fell silent, carefully observing the living-room lamp as if it were the most precious object she'd ever seen in her life.

- Ooooh you're not going to start too ! It's...

- You're really not smart when you put your mind to it ! Sighed a voice that cut Olivia off from her protests.

Rachael appeared in the kitchen doorway, glass of milk in hand, leaning against the door.

Felix and Sae-Jin turned towards her, and they didn't need to exchange glances with each other to wonder the same thing : how long had Rachael been there ? From her mocking tone and half-smile, Felix knew there was little chance she hadn't figured out what was going on between him and Sae-Jin.

- What's that supposed to mean ? Olivia asked in surprise.

Fire flared in his cheeks as he prayed his elder sister wouldn't say anything to Olivia, already imagining her teasing them every time she saw them together.

Fortunately, his sister must have felt sorry for them, for she shrugged her shoulders in Olivia's direction and made her way quietly up the stairs.

- Just use your head, she replied simply. Good night, everyone !

- Eeeeh wait for me! What were you saying ?! Olivia exclaimed as she followed her sister down the stairs, leaving Sae-Jin and Felix alone in the living room.

When the girls had completely disappeared from their sight, Felix let out a huge sigh of relief.

- You can stop looking at the lamp, Sae, they're gone. He commented, seeing Sae-Jin still staring at her lamp.

She turned to him (Sae-Jin, not the lamp) and smiled with a mischievous look he'd already noticed during their snowball fight. She couldn't speak, but he wished she'd tell him whatever joke or tease was on her mind at the moment.

He was about to open his mouth when his phone vibrated, and instinctively glanced at the screen, even though he wished he'd stayed with Sae-Jin rather than answer the call. It was Chan. He frowned. Hadn't they planned to call each other tonight, or had he forgotten ?

- Excuse me, he said in Sae-Jin's direction, I'll answer it right away... Hello ? Chan ?

- Felix ! How are you ? I hope I'm not disturbing you too much...

- Oh, no, no, it's fine. Everything's fine. Didn't I know we'd planned to call tonight ? Or did I forget ? I've had... Well, let's just say a busy day.

- No, no, we didn't make any plans, don't worry. You can tell me all about it the day after tomorrow. We've had a big change of plans... Chan sighed with annoyance. I'm sorry, but you'll have to catch a plane tomorrow ; our first day of shooting for the video clip has been changed due to a technical problem, so we're starting the day after tomorrow ! I tried to see if there were any other possible dates, but as you can imagine, I couldn't find any.

- Ah... Oh... Muttered Felix, at a loss for words, disappointed to realize that his stay with his family was already coming to an end. Okay, I'll text you when I've got my flight.

- Okay, sorry again. I know it's been a while since you've seen your family, Lix.

- Don't worry, it's not your fault. Felix reassured him. I'll go tell everyone and find a flight for tomorrow.

- Okay. Have a good evening, Lix.

- You too.

He hung up and looked up at Sae, who'd probably already heard everything by the look of disappointment on her face.

- Sorry, I think my stay at home has just been cut short. He said tiredly.

In response, Sae came to nestle in his arms, and he wrapped his arms around her, breathing in her perfume to imprint it on him as much as possible.