Ultra Deduction

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"You know you're late, agents?"

"Hold on, who are you? Where's Yasui?" Ranpo asked the man in front of us.

"I'm Minora." The man pulled out his badge. "Took over for Yasui. This case has been reassigned to our division. So, we no longer need you or your Agency."

"That's ridiculous!" Ranpo exclaimed. "Every difficult case should be overseen by a master detective, like me."

"We don't need private investigators on this..." Minora trailed off. "The victim is a cop who worked for me."

Minora and the rest of us walked over to the victim, seeing the state she was in. Aside from the three bullet wounds in her chest, there weren't any signs of struggle. But still...

"Her body was found floating in the river this morning." One of the cops informed us, joining us.

"She was shot three times in the chest, we don't know where or when she was killed. Haven't even found the bullets either." Minora added on.

"Any suspects?" Ranpo asked, glancing the body over.

"Not yet. As far as anyone knows at the office knew, she wasn't in a relationship, so I doubt it was a jealous lover." Minora replied.

I turned to Ranpo, seeing he had a wide grin. Something tells me he already has a hunch. "Very interesting. So, that means you don't have any leads."

"That's all the more reason that we can't let some amateur, private I, handle this." Minora stood up, glaring to us.

"Hey! It looks like the nets caught something!"

"They put out... nets?" Atsushi asked, confused.

The male cop began to explain. "Yeah, the nets strewn across the water. The standard practice to dredge evidence from the river."

"Look over there, it's a man."

"You sure?" Minora gasped.

"Do you think, that's a second victim?" Astsushi stared in shock.

I let out a sigh, having a gut feeling. "No, I don't think so, Atsushi..." I began to walk forward as the others ran to see what was in the net.

"Hello, Atsushi~ This is quite the strange coincidence."

"You tried to drown yourself again, Osamu." Atsushi sighed out, defeatedly.

"What'd you expect?" I rested a hand on the boys shoulder.

"Don't be silly, committing suicide alone, that's so pasay these days..." Dazai waved a finger around, as if it was a well known fact. "I have made a decision! That, if I'm going to end everything, I'll do it with a beautiful woman! Ahh, double suicide~ What a sweet ring it has! In comparison, it felt so empty to think about bidding farewell to this world all by my lonesome. That's my new plan! I'm on the lookout for a passionate and a suicidal woman to die with me. What about it, (Y/N)? Want to commit a double suicide with me?"

I let out a long sigh, tired of his antics. "No way in hell."

"Oh, you wound me~" He faked his sadness.

"But- how'd you get caught in the net?" Atsushi changed the topic.

"Hmm. I was just drifting along..." Dazai struck a pose. "Enjoying the glorious river."

"Don't feed into his delusions, Atsushi..." I reminded him, seeing he was drained from Dazai's crazy suicidal attempts as well.

"But, enough about me. What brings you guys out here today?" Dazai asked, now realizing we were here.

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