Her Darling | L.W.

Chapter 16

"Y/N?"

"Yes?"

"Let's go on a date tonight."

"Okay, where are we going?"

"Hmm. Let me think of something nice, it'll be a surprise."

"Don't put too much thought into it, Rissa. I would be happy if we just cuddled in your bed."

"I know, dearest. And I promise, I won't. It's okay."

——

Things are going great between me and Larissa. We agreed to take things slow, going on dates and spending time with each other. We also decided to keep everything private. For now at least. It's understandable, since she still is my principal and I'm her student. Yes, it's dangerous. Yes, it's wrong. But I can't help it. I can't help falling for her more and more each day.

This is something new for me, and I'm still learning. Of course I've had crushes before, maybe at some point I considered myself in love. But not like this. Those feeling were never reciprocated, not until I met Larissa. And every encounter with another person, every kiss... They were nothing special, something you'd forget the next day. That's why it's hard for me to still believe that someone could ever actually love me. I've gotten so used to just being tossed away, to just forgetting what has happened.

I never wanted it to be like that. I really didn't. I guess I've just been very unlucky.

And still, sometimes, I'm trying to be careful with Larissa. I don't want to scare her away. I don't want her to leave me. I really don't want to feel this way, feel scared that she'll just toss me away, like everyone else did. I'm just waiting for that day when she'll start ignoring me, when she will get tired of me. I don't want that to happen. And if it did, I don't know if I could heal from it. Ever. I'm in too deep in this whole thing now.

I pinch myself hard, to stop the tears from falling. I've just done my makeup and my hair, also I'm all dressed up. I really can't cry now. I pinch harder, until I feel the tears go away. I take a few deep, shaky breaths.

Now is not the time to cry, Y/N. Pull your shit together.

But that thought only makes it worse. The tears blind my vision once again.

I flinch when I hear a knock at the bathroom door. "Darling, we're leaving in 5. Is everything okay?" Larissa asks from the other side.

I clear my throat and try to ignore the pain in it, the pain that means I'm about to cry. I take a deep breath in once more. And try to reply with a steady, confident voice.

"Y-yeah, I'm alright. I-I'll be there in a sec." I say. And my voice, of course, sounds nothing even close to steady and confident. Quite the opposite. It's shaky, uncertain, and you can basically hear that I'm about to cry. I cross my fingers, hoping this would go unnoticed by Larissa. Which, it doesn't.

"Dearest? What's wrong, can you let me in?" She asks, her voice now full of concern.

But I don't want to ruin this night already. I know, that if she'd see me like this, it would ruin everything.

So I take the back of my hand to my mouth, between my teeth. And as weird as it sounds, I bite my hand, trying to inflict enough pain for me to focus in it and not in crying. And also, to muffle my silent sobs.

After a few seconds, it seems to work. I take about half a minute, fixing my hair in the mirror, making sure that she can't see the fact that I almost cried.

"Y/N, please let me in. I'm concerned about you." She pleads.

I take one last deep breath, nodding to myself in the mirror to assure that I'm okay. And I plaster a smile on my face, getting out of the bathroom.