'A shameful tragedy it is that our stars failed to align, even though the record will show that we tried so many times.'
We're taught to fear the monsters in the dark, the ones that chase you up the stairs, the ones that hide under your bed but what...
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14 February 2021 Emersyn Styles
White sand beaches are now the way to my heart. After spending over a month of evenings sitting on the tiny grains to watch the sunset with my husband, I know I've found a missing piece of my soul.
Although my time at this pretty beach house has been fairly chaotic being around so many people for a prolonged period of time, I wouldn't change it for the world. There's a lot of us in a small space, thankfully there's just enough bedrooms and space throughout the house that we can separate and have some space when need be.
I spend as much time as I can on the beach, it's very quiet due to it being the middle of February. Harry's birthday came and went two weeks ago. I was too nervous to go out and actually celebrate his first birthday with me but we were allowed the house to ourselves for a few hours while everyone went out for food together, we just ordered a takeaway, watched a movie in bed and ended the night with some slow sex.
It's valentine's day today which has been a thought swimming around my head recently. I woke up to a bunch of red roses, kisses all over my face and a box of my favourite chocolates that we devoured together in bed for breakfast before we spent the morning on the beach drinking cups of tea together while the calming waves crashed onto the sand.
Anne and James are celebrating the day together and so are Zayn and Zara which has left Niall and Koen in charge of Buddy and Bear if no one else is home. I did get some flowers from Niall for being the best pretend wife he's ever had, it made me smile.
I've been getting a lot of little fake contractions through the past few days, my body is changing a lot and I don't really understand a lot of what's going on. There's been a lot of frantic googling, trying to figure out how I can prepare my mind and body for labour but it's hard to understand different google searches and videos online.
Harry doesn't know any answers to my questions, he's as lost and helpless as I am which isn't the most reassuring thing in the world. As my due date creeps closer and I'm only mere weeks away from giving birth the anxiety is definitely becoming bigger.
Anne is about to start getting ready to go out for lunch with her husband, she's sitting at the dining table reading a book, her eyes lifting as I waddle into the room with my hands cradling beneath my bump, a little contraction just wearing off.
"Hi Darling." She smiles softly, gesturing for a cuddle but noticing how tense I go in her arms. "Is something wrong? Are you having contractions and hiding from Harry?"
I take the seat opposite her at the table while shaking my head, "I'm not hiding them, they aren't that painful."
"Are you worried?"
"I don't know what I'm doing." I'm honest with her, twiddling my thumbs nervously on the table while she assesses me with a sympathetic smile. "I don't know anything about giving birth and it's really scaring me."