OS #4: Claws of Dominance

24th Dominance

Show

Hindi ko iyon pinindot, pero may dalawang salita akong nakita.

@Nyjhiel_Zacharius: I know...

Damn this platform. Hindi ko magawang tingnan ng hindi i-read!

Nag-uunahan ang isip ko. I am getting curious by the minute, but I tried to keep myself calm.

Ano ngayon kung may mensahe galing sa kanya? Ano ngayon kung may flood reacts at may pa congratulations?

It must be his guilt speaking. He might be trying to please me with this. Walang ibang magawa kaya nang-stalk na lang sa aking socials, at nag-reak pa!

Kaya nagdesisyon akong maligo na lang kesa mas paghintayin pa ang sarili at baka madala sa temptasyon.

Mas weird iyon kung titingnan ko ang matagal na niyang message ngayon. Baka isipin nun affected ako kasi nagkita kami kaya binasa ko ang message niya.

"He must've gone crazy," naiiling kong sabi habang nilalaro ang bula sa bath tub.

Boldly stalking my account and even boldly staring at me a while ago. Has he no shame?

Sobrang naguguluhan ako habang mas tumatagal sa pag-iisip.

Anong mapapala niya sa pagreact ng mga post ko? Akala ko ba walang pakialaman na? Isn't this what he wanted? To get rid of me? Hetong ayoko na, lumalayo na ako, siya naman ang lumalapit?

Mapait akong ngumiti.

When I told him I wouldn't be seeing him, I was serious about that. Very serious that I don't even let myself think about or ask about him to others. I want myself before anything else now.

Ang ginawa ko noon ay para pagbigyan ko ang sarili sa gustong gawin. Siya kasi ang palagi kong iniisip, kahit noong nasa Spain pa ako. Hindi ako matahimik dahil palagi rin akong kuryoso sa kanya.

It was like I needed a reason to let go and finally look at myself... and he gave it. That's why it might seem selfish, but it's not like I don't deserve to put myself first. Wala akong ginusto sa mga nangyari, maliban na lang sa mga gawaing ako mismo ang nagdesisyon.

If he is indeed doing this out of pure guilt, then I don't need him to do anything. He said what he said because that's what he thought. Dumaan man ang isang taon ay hindi ko iyon nakalimutan, pero naiintindihan ko naman ang pinanggagalingan niya.

Even if I am curious about it, I don't need to read his message, dahil baka aasa ako o kahit siya. I will act distant or treat him as a stranger if it is necessary for me to be free from any secondary pain or constraints... Having my parents is more than enough as it is.

That night, I replied to everyone aside from his comment, which had like 20 comments that I didn't even bother reading. I even saw Nereus comment, aside from also congratulating me. I don't care what he thinks about me ignoring his.

"Dahlia, may natanggap na naman akong runway offer galing kay accla. Tatanggapin ko ba?"

I looked at her reflection in the mirror as I fixed my hair. Kakatapos ko lang sa isang damit kaya heto at bago na naman ang suot.

Days quickly went by, and my training is almost over now. It's been 2 months since I joined the workshop while also doing my gigs. Hindi naging madali ang aking training kahit pa sabihin nating confident ako dahil matangkad ay hindi pa rin iyon sapat. Marami akong natutunan, and it made me realize how runway modeling is so strict in many aspects, more than just being a model.

My instructor said that other supermodels even had years of training to master the way to walk, have their facial expressions on point, have just the right amount of smile, and have proper eye placement. Isa pa, dapat naka heels palagi at saka hindi halata kong pinagtuunan ng pansin ang aking posture habang naglalakad.