Finding a Way to You (Book One of The Finding Series, going through revision)

Chapter 16

Jamie's POV

It was almost midnight as I pulled into my house, after dropping Becca off. It has turned a little colder since its getting closer to the winter season. Here in Minnesota it gets cold fast, even in October. The two story house that stood on our land looked peaceful and elegant on the outside, but the interior lacked. Not the physical look on the inside, but the spiritual and mental feel of my home was eerie. It started when my brother died. My parents sort of drifted apart a little bit, but it was me. I was the problem. 

It was before I got saved.. 

I rebelled so much. I went out drinking every night, and I would come home completely wasted and it would completely disrespect my parents. A lot happened to me at fourteen. I lost my brother, my mom got cancer and I lost all of my friends... But with the help of my favorite nurse, she showed me what I was missing out on.

Don't get me wrong, I knew who God was, but I thought He left when Mattie died.. I was alone and it was my fault. I still blame myself for his death.

I put the car in park, and just sat there in the drivers seat for a minute. 

With one hand on the steering wheel, the other found itself running over my face, pinching my nose. I felt a huge sigh leave my body. Tonight was amazing. God worked in so many ways, The image of Becca lying on the ground, consumed by God, still fresh in my mind.

I will never forget her face afterward. The sign of ever present joy, and the look of love expressed in her eyes.. I hope one day she shares with me what happened, and what she..

I trudged out of my car, feeling the effects of the night weighing heavily on me. I pulled out my house key and paused before turning it.

I glanced up the door that had our family picture..

"The Matthews"

Mattie looked just as cute as he did the day he died. His dirty blond fringe swept over his little 7 year old face and his light green eyes lit up. His cheeks lifted up in a toothy grin, making me almost silently shed tears. I miss him so.

I swiftly turned the key in and quietly made my way to my room, not stopping to see if my parents were awake. Before I made it up the stairs...

"Jamie? Is that you?" A frail voice called out.

I quickly did a one eighty. My gaze caught my mom. Her skin was a sickly pale yellow and you could almost see her bones, she was that skinny..... Her arms tugged tightly around her torso, tugging the deep royal blue silk robe that draped over her vulnerable frame.

"Yeah, mom. We just got out of church.. I had to take Becca back home to her aunt's." She nodded. Her face smiling soft, showing true love. "When am I going to meet the girl that has my boy so smitten?" 

I laughed a deep chuckle at her remark. "I don't know mom. She doesn't open up to people much. Tonight God really moved in her and changed her but I think she does need time. I'll talk to her about it though." She nodded with understanding, showing me she cared and understood.

"She sounds like a great girl, Jamie. I bet Mattie would have loved to meet her." I froze in my tracks. She sometimes brings him up, but she hadn't in a while... I usually felt so guilty when she said it.... Or talked about it...

I pursed my lips into a perfect line and thought how much Mattie would love Becs. He loved all the girls who I dated, even though there weren't many. I was fourteen. "You're right ma, he would love her..." A sigh escaped my lips. "I miss him. So much...  How are you feeling?"