Finding a Way to You (Book One of The Finding Series, going through revision)

Chapter 7

Becca's POV

After we ate and Sam and Rachel flirted, she drove me home.

Rachel kept on glancing at me while trying to keep her eyes on the road.

Something was on her mind. 

I broke our awkward silence and said" What are you thinking about?"

My beautiful cousin looked at me with her piercing grey eyes, her gorgeous locks blowing in the breeze. She sighed" Are you ever going to call Jamie? I think he really likes you."

"Why would I call him? He just probably wants to get in my pants. Plus I never let anyone in, everyone who is in my life or comes into it either hurts me or leaves me. That's why I have that wall Rachel." I said while tears threatening to spill.

She stopped the car in my driveway and turned to look at me." Becca, have you ever thought that Jamie might be different? I saw the way he looked at you, he looked concerned. He looked at you with sympathy. I think God sent him, Becca." She said giving me a serious look.

I took a deep breath and replied" How can you keep saying God did that or he's doing this, when obviously he keeps allowing me to live in hell. If God truly loved me I wouldn't living this way. My parents would love me, I would be allowed to date, they would trust me and there wouldn't be so many freaking secrets in my life that I have to keep or that people are keeping from me That's why I'm better off dead!." I screamed, with tears slipping from my eyes. 

Rachel looked at me her grey eyes glossing over with fresh tears and she threw her arms around my neck. We sat there for the next few minutes just sobbing, holding onto each other. 

"Look, I know you don't believe it but God hears your every cry, every struggle. He knew your were going to go through it. He knows Becca." Rachel said

"I just need proof, Rachel." I said unbuckling my belt and began pull myself out of Rachel's dark blue Mustang Convertible.  

"I know. Look do you think you're parents would let you come with me this weekend to a youth conference?"

"I doubt it Rache, they never let me go anywhere."

"I'll get my mom to talk to yours, sound good?" Rachel asked, you could see the understanding in her eyes.

I took a deep intake of the fresh clean air and replied" Yeah that sounds great. Call me later?" 

"Yeah I will after I talk to my mom. I hope you can come!!" Rachel yelled as I walked up to my "loving" abode. See how I said loving? There is nothing loving about my home. I don't know what caused my parents to start acting this way but like I said it began when I was eleven. It got worse when I was thirteen, right before my fourteenth birthday. It was a day I'll never forget..

/////FLASBACK//////

 I arrived home after eating lunch with Rachel and her family on a beautiful Sunday, it was mid March on that ''lovely'' day. Before I could even walk through the door it started. My mom grabbed me by my hair and started kicking me to the floor. I could smell the strong aroma of alcohol on her. She had started drinking when I was little before the abuse started. But she wasn't an alcoholic then, like she is now.

"Mom, what now?" I asked grabbing my now aching ankle. She walked over to where I was lying and slapped me on my face, there will be a bruise there later."Look, you are a mistake!!! And you always will be, today wouldn't have happened if you weren't born!! I HATE YOU BECCA!!! Did you know you're the reason your father won't touch me anymore? You are the reason today happened!! You're the reason I drink!!!" She walked up to me and threw me into the wall. I landed on my back, but she didn't stop. She drinks everyday, there isn't a day she goes without being sober. I felt the warm blood running down my neck, the impact of the sharp brick wall colliding with my head.