Awake and alive

Part 7

//vote//

After all it was me and belina

I Found our belina has bpd
And at that time she made me feel worse
She would've blocked me and shout at me for no reasons at All then she would've send me msg how I'm the best person that she has ever met she loved me but she also hated me

My parents were also like that it was really confusing

I loved belina more than anything
I tried to talk to her about it

'hey'
'Hi' she answered
'So you see we need to talk you always block me and then come back to me like I love you sm can we just belike before?'

'If u don't love me for who I am then why r you talking to me'
Blocked

I started crying hard like why can't I have a normal relationship I went to the bathroom and slit my wrist
I was thinking about belina and cried my ass out

she would've asked me if she was pretty I would've said 'you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen in world I mean look at yourself' she would've blocked me because I 'lied'

I wasting lying tho she is the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life

Then after days she msg me again
'Ilysm'

I was so tired at this point idk what am I thinking

I don't want to lose her I just don't I love her more than anything and I rather lose myself when I think of her

I would've said Ilyt and I did I really did loved her

School started

Shit nova is in the same school as me
I acted normal somedays I would've been with aurora and belina

School passed and it's almost semester
Belina loved me and I loved her but she always had blocked me and tell me how much she hates me and how much she wished that I was dead

Then cry for me in the next morning when she found my scars

I felt too much emotions in my chest

and it was all for belina and it was sadness emptiness and I was numb too I wished that I wouldn't wake up next morning I just wished that

I would've cried in the bathroom and write her name across my arms

Aurora send me a msg she said let's match on tiktok I said what about belina she said 'come on she wont be that one I want to be this' one she send me the photo and I agreed we matched pfp on tiktok

Belina blocked me
I felt numb again empty and sad what am I even spouse to do Everytime I apologize for something I haven't even done it

i would cry so hard till I couldn't cry for next week my wrist were so sore idk how was I even alive

I was so done with holding her back at this point

I would've just begged belina to come back to me she would but then we'll fight again and block me

We had a friend we both knew named mina

She would go talk to mina for hours and telling her how she hasn't eat anything since we fought and she would go cry again till she felt numb and I was the bad guy? I didnt done anything

..................
New part is coming on 9th July