Awake and alive

Part 10

//vote//

I came out of the bath tub just like always feeling numb

Me n belina r listening to music now
26th March 2023

Nothings wrong everything's good not bad
my relationship is good with her now

But I'm Feeling like I'm dead tf is wrong with me

no it's my fault for makin those kind of jokes with someone like you belina
She blocked me again

I saw belina at school the next day I told her everything and I told her how I feel and and what she has done to me is just too much

I blocked belina on 6th April

I had no one else I meant it when I said no one
I wanted to cry but I couldn't

There was me and the blade again

I was just on my phone for no reasons at all then aurora msg me

She said that belina is literally shaking hard and crying n shit

I really didn't know what to do
Like i said i couldn't hold her back and she wanted to go so bad I was just so sad about it but this is life

after all what can I do

I really fucking wish that i was dead I meant it

Like what have I done to deserve this life and practice?

Fuck practice is not good I don't feel good and there are always people that are shouting at me
what have I even done to deserve this life I hate every fucking bit of it

1 cut, 2 cut, 3 cut, 4 the blood started dripping from the tub to the floor

'Pain doesn't just show up in our lives for no reason. It's a sign that something in our lives needs to change'

'I know you're lying because my wrist are bleeding'

'I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain'

'I wish I could look perfect as all those models'

'If I committed suicide would she miss me?'

'When my scars fade I want them back'

'My thoughts have killed me more then blades ever could'

'I hate this feeling. Wanting to die all the time'

'I'm slowley giving up'

'You want me to be happy???
Put a gun to my head and pull the trigger, then I will be happy'

'No one cares unless your beautiful popular or dead'

'I love the deeper cuts that don't seem to stop bleeding'

That was my shower thoughts as blood was all over the floor

I finally decided to msg aurora because belina was dying without me so was I

'Please talk to her again she won't ever block u or be bad to you or something like that'

I thought of Ong shes mentally ill it's not like she can control it but then

'no'
'Please y/n I won't do anything like that again' says belina

'I'm gonna tear out the thread one by one from your skin
'Till your bones feel embarrassed by all the attention'

that's what I thought

then I agreed but then I said one more time she treat me like that i won't ever talk to her again

......................
New part coming out on 15th July