Awake and alive

Part 13

//vote//

Time passed me and Aurora barely talk and I never told her that belina showed me the msg tho

I still did sh Even tho I said I would stop

For the last time with belina we went to aurora's house

Aurora also told belina that she doesn't want to be her friend either

We bought her a white small cake it was white on the top of it 'you've aged' it was written

belina bought her flowers it was pretty

We went to her house and we even took photos a lot of photos

I hugged her for the last time and went back after we ate the cake

I ate a small piece of the cake because I would gain weight

After two weeks I asked my mom

'Can I go to cinema with belina?'

She start cursing at me
She said anything taht came to her mind
we had a fight

I said 'someday you'll see my death and you'll regret all of these'

but

she said 'I hope that someday will be soon'

I said 'IF I EVER COMMITED SUICIDE ITS ALL YOUR FAULT KNOW THAT and you'll miss me'

' i won't' she said

'I hope tmr i won't wake up'

'Amen'

(This is in first chapter of the story if you remember you can skip it till you see dots .......... I won't change anything so)

i was laying down on the bathroom floor it was cold and the water was leaking I didn't know what to do I just had a fight with my mom

'I wish I was dead' I thought
It's not impossible to kms tho I mean I've tried before it's not that hard

I looked at the sharper and I thought 'no please not again' I told my self I begged god to not

I had no other choice I really wanted to feel something

I grab the sharper and made art across my thighs
I was thinking about what just happened

with my mom as I cut deeper
'Not enough I thought'

I stopped and looked at my thighs 'shit I don't feel anything' I thought

I grabbed the sharper again

I cut my both thighs and it was bleeding hard
as I didn't stopped because I couldn't I just didn't want to stop

I wanted to kill myself i wanted to cut every part of my body I just wanted to erase my body from this world

I hated my self more than anything else I was just wishing that I could stop and just die

I looked at myself in the mirror my ugly face my nose my eyes my lips my face shape I hated it all I wish that I could erase it from this world and there was one way to make that possible

'I'm not even sorry mom'

I said as I silted my wrist god damn I closed my eyes for like five minutes but it felt like forever

I opened my eyes again

The floor was all blood I was shocked 'what should I do? What have I done?

Why am I even alive'
that's what I thought

I've never seen so much blood in my life time

I was so scared what if my parents find out even if they do it's not like they care? But what if they do idc anymore 

I just lay down again looking at my wrist shit it was all blood and my thighs? I lost a lot of blood
I wanted to cry I wanted to at least feel sad I just couldn't

I was drained
...........................................

I took the sharper again

I cut my wrist too deep I think I've cut the veins too
Yeah I did

The blood were too much everything got black I wanted to at least write a suicide note before I die I looked around me there were nothing I saw a paper
I grabbed it

I'm writing Yeah I'm writing with my own blood

'I love everyone and I hope y'all forgive me for everything I love you belina and dyako i love all of my online friends I'll forgive you mom'

I barley could write with my fingers everything got blurry

I lay down on the floor
Suddney everything is becoming black
'Y/n' 'y/n' Y/n'

I heard someone screaming my name

But who was that?

Mom? Belina? who the hell?

shit someone is hugging me

I suddenly can't breathe

We all sleep to die, wake up in a dream realize that its too surreal, and then die again to live in a false reality aint that sad enough of a life already

'Finally I can say that I'm awake and alive' I said to whoever was hugging me

I smiled as I closed my eyes completely 

The end

I hope y'all liked this story and yeah this is my story in life everything has happened to me that I said in here beside the end I'm still alive I hope y'all didn't relate to this I love y'all thanks for reading this and I hope y'all will support me <33