United

Chapitre 37

Trigger warning: Mention of death, crying, just a sad chapter overall, but imperative for the plot.

I woke up this morning with a weight on my chest. It's not anything on me, it's just a heavy heart. And on those days, I can't bring myself to go to work. I start getting ready and texting Alphonsine that I don't feel well. She sees the message but doesn't reply, so I guess I'm in the clear.

I look all around my closet for the bracelet I bought in Greece, as a gift for myself. I look around in my jewelry case but find nothing. Where is it?

I head to the bags that I used in the last few days, and I end up finding it in the bag I used yesterday. But I pull out another piece of paper. I open it, and I'm confused by the writing.

Graveyard on Albert Street, Grave 621

I keep squinting at the paper until I realize what exactly it means. It's the placement of my mother's grave. I take a deep breath. I think I know why I woke up like that this morning, amongst other things. I need closure, and the best way to find it is by going over there.

I shrug on some leggings with a doubled interior since the weather isn't that favorable today. I add on a blouse with a knit sweater. I add on some jewelry.

As I finish getting ready, I think about last night. How Leandro came into my room, demanding to see my scars. As If I owe him anything.

You're his wife, it's normal.

No it's not. The treatment I received from my husband is not normal.

I mute out the negative thoughts and head out of the door, on my way to find Blake. He's the only one that can bring me where I need, and he's also my bodyguard.

I find him coming out of Leandro's office like he was sneaking out. He was probably talking to Leandro.

"Hey Blake," I say with a small smile. He turns around impossibly quickly and gives a look.

"What do you need, Lunae" His tone wasn't the most welcoming, or how he usually acts, but I brush it off.

"Uhm, I'm not heading to work today-"

"And what does that have to do with me?"

"I h-have a small errand to run."

"I don't have time today. Ask the driver to drop you off" And with that, he walks away.

Wait, isn't he my bodyguard?

Whatever.

I head outside and look around for the driver. I find him polishing a car. I ask him to bring me to the graveyard. He agrees, and we take off. after a while, we finally get to the graveyard. I open the heavy gate with a sigh and hear the car back out on the heavy gravel.

I follow the directions to my mother's grave, but I feel so light. Like I'm not in control of my body. Like there's some invisible pull bringing me forward.

618... 619... 620... 621.

I finally get to the grave, and upon my arrival, tears are already on the brink of falling.

Here Lies Malika Nesrine Marlenis Jacobsen

1965-2012

A loving mother, Amazing wife, and gracious daughter.

I sniffle, and I don't know if it's because of the cold or because of the way I'm feeling.

Time to have the first talk with my mother in 11 years.

"H-hey mom. I- i, uh" I don't know how to start this, so I start to bear my whole heart out.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there at your funeral. I'm sorry for not trying to be close to you in the recent year. I'm sorry for not seeing the signs. I'm sorry for not stopping Father when he was hurting you. I'm sorry for seeing you be put 6 feet under via a television. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for everything, Mom." By the end of that little part, I'm already bawling my eyes out.

I lose my footing, and my knees make harsh contact with the rocks on the ground. a little pain sears through my body, but my emotional pain overpowers it.

"I-i tried. I w-was so hurt w-when t-the paramedics t-told us you weren't going to make it. I miss you so much. You and Caela. I m-miss you two so much" I keep sobbing, and the sky decided to match me, by starting to rain slightly.

"And the worst thing is that you can't tell me that you forgive me, because YOU'RE DEAD! You're six feet underground, and I can't hear your voice telling me that you're proud of me. I can't hear your voice tell me that I'm making the right choice. Most importantly, I can't hear you say that you love me" at this point, I'm full on sobbing.

I hear the sound of what seems to be a car in the distance, but I ignore it, as I keep crying.

"I wish you could tell me what to do. I'm barely holding on to a thread, emotionally. I just want this pain in my heart to stop. Just take it away, mom. خذها بعيدا يا أمي" (take it away, mom)

"You're the only one that can do it. I just feel so lost without you. And I feel like two pieces of me are missing. Please. Fill the void in my heart. I can't do this anymore" My eyelids feel heavy. I just feel like succumbing to the darkness, right here and there.

"Please..." Right before my eyes close, I feel two arms wrap around me.

This chapter is quite heavy, but i guess it'll get better in the next one? pls don't kill me tho

Dioné Valentine, Out!