Help me to love again (finished)

Chapter 65 : « I would never leave you in shit.»

Three days later

Vegas

It's Friday, the first day of the weekend. I went back to Pete's apartment, hoping to find him there but in fact he's not there...well for now.

I hope he will be there tomorrow or Sunday.

In the meantime, I have to act as if everything was fine. In case, I prepare for dinner for him and me.

It's been almost 5 days since we talked to each other and I feel more and more bad at the idea of the potential to have to finish everything with him.

- Above all, I must not lose it.

I'm starting to burst into tears again. Sadness seizes me as if she wanted to make me her favorite victim.

It's horrible.

I feel eaten from the inside and I don't see any outcome to this.

My mind is trying to regain the upper hand but it's difficult.

I can do it.

I get up from the floor and take the way to the kitchen. I put on my headphones to put on music and I get back to work.

I make Pete's favorite meal, praying that it will be enough to start our reconciliation policies.

Pete loves noodles with spicy salmon. Chancely, there is still something to do in the fridge. I hurry to prepare everything by chaining the relaxing music.

I greatly apprehend his return but I remain optimistic about the possibility of a still large dialogue. I don't know how it will be done but I pray that we will find common ground.

The clock is ticking. The meal is ready. I like noodles and salmon, but without spices.

- Sorry Pete but I could never eat such a spicy dish, even if it was to reconcile with you...

I had lowered the volume of my music, fortunately otherwise I would have had a fear attack. Pete stands in the middle of the dining room, his bag on his shoulder. His face is overwhelmed by pain but also by fear.

I take off my headphones and I don't say anything, not letting go of Pete's eyes. My joy of seeing him again is so strong that I don't fail to cry a little. As I feel that my tears will flow, I manage to control myself. I say:

- P... Pete...I...I made you something to eat...you must be hungry, given the time it is...

I don't know how to approach the conversation, I turn a little red thinking about the way I do it.

Pete turns around without saying anything. He does not go to the exit door but to the corridor, leading to the room.

I am relieved of it. I turn to the baking sheet to stop cooking. I put the noodles in bowls and then the salmon, cooked separately, on top. I add as many spices as possible for Pete's meal but not in mine.

Pete is back in the room and I don't need to tell him to sit down at the table for him to do it. In a very soft voice, I said to him:

- I gave you a lot of spices, as you like.

I don't allow myself to touch the top of his skull, something I usually do to show him my affection. On the other hand, he looks me straight in the eyes before. I don't support his gaze and turn away from him. I take my own bowl but I'm not going to eat at the table, like him.

I rather sit on the sofa.

Pete and I don't have to reconnect right away.

I voluntarily distance myself so that Pete understands that I leave him all the space he needs to rebuild himself.