Help me to love again (finished)

Chapter 79 : «I cling to the revenge that I must satisfy»

November 20xx

Big

Bang Kwang Prison is nicknamed the "prison of death" and it is not for nothing. I feel myself dying a little more and more as the days pass.

In my treatment cell, loneliness weighs on me like an unbearable weight. Each day that passes reinforces the bitter feeling that I am abandoned, that everyone I once considered allies turned their backs on me in my darkest hours.

I feel trapped in a world where no one seems to care about my fate. I don't know what Dad and Time are doing. It's been weeks since I heard from them. He leaves me alone in the oppressive silence of my daily life, where I withdraw into myself, drowned in an ocean of despair and sorrow.

Memories of better days haunt me, reminding me of everything I lost and everything I could have been if things had turned out differently. Despite my once powerful status in the mafia world, I realize that I'm just a human like any other and we always reap what we sow.

I wanted to reconcile with Porsche and found myself accused of his murder, trapped by Pete, Vegas and Kim. My friends Arm and Pol abandoned me.

I don't know what happened to Ken, since he is in a different prison than mine. I would have rather we were together than separated.

I sigh as I sit up from my bed. Since my transfer to the infirmary, the days have passed in a constant blur of pain and despair. Lying in my hospital bed, I feel like a shadow of the man I once was, reduced to a fragile skeleton by the disease eating away at me from the inside out.

The nurses are busy around me, desperately trying to get me to regain weight, but each attempt is in vain. My stomach tightens with every meal, stubbornly refusing to digest the food offered to me. Each bite is a challenge, a struggle against my own weakness and my own decline.

And yet, despite everything, I refuse to let myself be defeated. I hold on to every breath, every beat of my weakened heart, knowing that every moment of life is a victory against the darkness that threatens to devour me whole.

The nurses, with their unwavering dedication, are the only rays of hope in my increasingly dark life. Their soft, comforting voices remind me that I am not alone in this fight, that even in the deepest darkness, there is always a glimmer of hope to be grasped.

And then...I cling to the revenge that I must satisfy.

However long it takes, Pete, Vegas, Kim, Arm and Pol will suffer like I suffered.

Pol

I'm still in South America with P'Time, Monsieur Chan and Arm to prepare for Big's escape. We thought of everything to get him out of his hell.

Arm and I owe him that after turning away from him when we were in prison. Guilt consumes me like a consuming fire. Every time I think about turning away from Big alone in prison, a crushing weight falls on my shoulders, crushing me under the burden of my own cowardice.

I remember all the times I could have intervened, when I could have reached out to Big in his distress. But each time, fear and self-centeredness held me back, pushing me to put my own interests and those of my boyfriend Arm before those of my friend.

Now, as Big fights for his life behind the bars of his hospital cell, I am haunted by the memory of his betrayed look, his silent distress.

Every night I am plagued by nightmares in which I see Big's pale, haunted face, looking at me with reproachful eyes. Guilt eats me from the inside, slowly but surely consuming me, until there is nothing left of me but a shadow of the man I once was.