something that never ended. c.h

0.17

Okay so maybe drinking wine last night hasn't the best idea. But it really felt like it was last night.

My head hurts like someone has hit me around the head with a pan and the noises coming from the kitchen aren't helping.

Noises.

Calum.

oh no. What if Luke findings out and thinks of me differently or something. Why didn't I think about that when I let him stay in my bed. I'm so stupid.

I walk to the kitchen with my head down, but the smell of the food is so god damn fine that I have to look up and see what it is.

"PANCAKES!"

Maybe just maybe that was louder than it should have been but when there's pancakes there's nothing else my eyes see. It's like they focus on just them and not anything else surrounding me such as the shirtless Calum in his suit trousers from last night.

"Your favourite breakfast right?" He asks putting the plate of pancakes on to the kitchen table.

"Of course. Pure heaven. Sorry if that scream was very loud." I say putting a mouthful of pancakes into my mouth.

"It's fine, not like I haven't heard you scream that loud before" He says winking while I have a coughing fit.

I don't look at him after I get a drink. He knows that I'm with Luke so why does he say things like that, that he knows for sure it will have an effect on me. But I can't say nothing because I'm the only that let him stay. I'm the one that's letting my body have an effect on what he says.

"Your home is very nice, it's styled just like the last one" Calum points out while handing me a cup of coffee that I didn't even know he was making.

Oh have the tables turned even for just today.

"Thank you." I say with sadness lingering in my voice

I look at Calum and he knows there's something wrong i can see when my eyes land on him.

"What's wrong Peyton?"

"Nothing" I look away

"There's obviously something wrong... tell me...please"

"Everyone seems to love this apartment and it doesnt belong to them, were as I don't love it and it does belong to me. I miss my old apartment more than I should... Its just I want to think this apartment is nice too but all I see is a home that I ran to after I couldn't be strong enough to face the memories in the last."

Silence spreads the air and I can't help but to say "sorry"

"Really I am I shouldn't have said that. I'm going to tidy the kitchen"

Calum just sits in his spot and I am not sure how I'm feeling right now. When I said the last sentence I saw sadness in his eyes but if I had said that to him a month ago he would look nothing but sorry.

I clean every corner, every dish, everything slowly and carefully, with a little help from Calum. We both knew that we should talk about it, but we both know it will bring pain for both of us. Two different kinds of pain but still pain.

When we finish I check the time, 11.30 am is that all the time it is.

"Peyton?" Calum asks

"Yes?"

He stands

"My dad wants me to look at a piece of land that he wants to invest in. It's up on the hills and it seems like the perfect day to go on a long walk. I was wondering if you would like to go. You know to make sure it's worth the money. Also My mum says she misses you and has invited you over for dinner. It's just me, you, pretend relationship." He rumbles out, rubbing the back of his neck. Something he does when he is nervous.