On My Own Confusions

Confusion: Thirteen

Shot

Friday and I am here in Zen's room, helping her pack her things.

"Ano pa ang kailangan mo?"

"Ate, you can just watch me if you want. Malaki na ako," pagmamaktol niya.

Whatever. I'll piss her off.

"I just want to help you pack." I reasoned out.

"You didn't even know what to pack," mabibigat na ang bawat hakbang niya. She's too worked up about this. I wanna laugh.

"Kaya nga nagtatanong ako kung ano pa kailangan mo," I fired back.

She groaned. "Fine!"

Binigyan niya ako listahan kung ano ang kukunin. She's in charge with the packing of her clothes. There are only few clothes that needed to be packed accordingly. May mga damit lang din pala na required sa loob.

The things I needed to prepare are her basic needs. Kaya mas mabilis at madali lang iyong hanapin dahil this is just too basic.

We keep on packing things and getting more strollers to fit her things. Mga alas sais ng gabi na halos kami natapos. Good thing Nay Eda cooked dinner for us kaya pagkatapos ay pumunta na kami sa hapag para kumain.

This is such an emotional dinner. Nay Eda can't contain her emotions as well. She cried after dinner as she hugged Zen tightly.

"Mag-ingat ka roon, Zen. Mami-miss kita."

"I will take good care of myself, Nay. Sana puwede kita dalhin para masarap ang pagkain ko lagi," Zen laughed at that.

Tinampal naman ni Nay Eda ang likod niya dahil sa narinig.

"Alam mo namang hindi ako makakasama!"

She laughed even more.

The night is full of overflowing emotions and wishes for Zen—galing kay Nay Eda.

When the night is starting to go deep, I went together with Zen in her room. Zen won't like it if it's a normal day, but this night is unusual for us.

Bago kami natulog ay tumawag kami kay Mommy. Aside from asking for updates about Zia, Zen wanted to bid goodbye before she enters the military.

It was such a good thing that Zia is awake. I went emotional as well when I saw her covered with a floral cloth on her head. She looks weak but her eyes radiates otherwise. She's so happy when she saw both I and Zen.

Lem, Zia, and Mommy are on the screen together. Kami naman ni Zen. Mommy keep on reminding Zen to take good care while showing her concern. Her eyes says she's worried. Si Lem naman ay gano'n din.

"I don't doubt your intellectual ability, Zen. But I don't want you hurt physically in the future. Please, be safe, baby..." Lem worriedly stated.

Zen smiled at that. "I will be fine, Kuya. I'll take care of myself. And if I get hurt, I think it's normal inside the military. I need to face it."

"I love you, okay? Whatever your decisions are, I'm here to support you. Just... just keep your words that you'll take care of yourself! Okay?"

"Sir, yes Sir!"

My mother laughed at it. Gano'n din si Zia pero sa mahinang paraan.

"What about Ate Zia? May sasabihin ka ba sa akin, Ate? I won't be able to contact you, kahit si Ate Leigh. Unless we are given a chance to. O kayo ang tatawag."

Tiningnan ko si Zen. I know she's just holding herself together. Kanina pa niya pinipigilan ang luha, at kapag may tumutulo ay umaakto siyang humihikab. Her voice would change as well when she's about to cry but she successfully managed to control it.