On My Own Confusions

Confusion: Seventeen

Danger

"Got something on your mind with the things I said?" Tanong niya pagkatapos kong mapasok ang bola sa pinakamalapit na butas.

Umiling ako.

True enough, hindi pa masyado gumagana ang utak ko sa bagay na ito. I might seem distracted with my state right now that I can't even think straight.

"Just tell me what's on your mind," sabi niya bago hinampas nang napakalakas ang bola.

We spent an hour talking and playing before he invited me for lunch. I said yes, though. I declined him most of the time because I wasn't ready to face him. Not that I'm ready right now. It just that, we're already together at the moment. What more reasons I can say when I'm already with him?

"Let's be careful, Rom. The last time we ate lunch together, I got shot. Who knows I might die later," I warned him.

Pagkatapos kong sinabi ’yon ay agad kong kinuha ang cellphone ko at nagpadala ng mensahe kay Nic.

To: Nic

Nic, I'm with Mr. Venenoso right now. We'll be having lunch later and I'll tell you the location. If something might happen to me, I guess I can conclude that this really has something to do with Rom. I have a small information from him as well that might make sense. I'll talk about it with you when I come out of the restaurant unscathed.

Ilang segundo lang din ang lumipas ay nag-reply na rin si Nic.

Nic:

Sure thing, Leigh.

I sighed heavily. Should I ready my shoulders? Or will they fire my legs this time? Or something not really fatal? O pupuntiryahin na nila ang bahagi ng katawan ko kung saan kapag nabaril ay hindi na ako makakahinga pa muli?

As I and Rom walked inside Café Laguna, I feel a little safe since this restaurant is high-end. Pero kahit na, kung may plano silang pahirapan ako, they will do it wherever I am in this world.

Nag-send ako ng message ulit kay Nic para ipaalam sa kanya kung nasaan ako.

To: Nic

We're at Café Laguna in NUSTAR.

Nic:

Noted, Leigh.

Wala akong imik kay Rom at gano'n din si Rom sa akin. His movements are very vigilant. He would look from side to side without making himself suspicious. As for me who knows the situation, I can feel that he's also feeling the tension and the danger for us.

Tiningnan ko lang siya hanggang sa nakaupo kami.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked him.

"Sorry for asking you to have lunch with me. I'm sure you're cautious with your surroundings when you're with me, and you're here. . . I feel so guilty." He looks regretful.

I smiled a bit. Totoo naman pero hindi ko naman ’yon gaanong pinaramdam sa kanya. He won't be mindful with himself because he was never the target. It's me. When I'm with him, I do not feel the safety. I do not feel that I'm secure.

Knowing about the differences in any situation, this really has something to do with him. It's possible that the ones behind this are in Rom's favor that they won't hurt Rom and just here to hurt me just so I would stay away from him—

"What the hell!" I shouted in my whispering voice.

"What's wrong?" He sounds so worried.