On My Own Confusions

Confusion: Fifteen

Investigation

"Sorry about that time, Lerv."

Nagbago ang emosyon niya nang sinabi ko ’yon. I know what he was pertaining. It was that moment where we both went aggressive. He was sorry with his behavior but the truth is, it was fine with me.

"You were sorry for it. But I admit, I was okay with it. I said that it wasn't right because we're friends. Friends wouldn't do such thing, Lerv."

Mas lalo niya akong tinitigan nang sinabi ko ’yon. That's the truth.

"If friends can't do such thing, then, can we stop being friends, Leigh?" Mas lalo siyang lumapit sa akin.

Uh-oh. I guess I hit the wrong button.

His eyes are dark and sharp. His tone is no longer soft and careful but mature and serious.

He neared me more and held my shoulder softly. "What do you think about it? I want us to be more than just friends, Leigh. However, I won't put you in a situation wherein you have to choose between cutting me off or staying for our friendship."

From his hand on my shoulder, it went to hold my chin and lift my face up. Our fiery gaze met.

"Now, you just told me that you're okay with it? I don't wanna assume that I have a chance with you Leigh. Considering that Mr. Venenoso is making advances to you. I'm not unaware of it, Leigh. I'm much more aware with what's happening in your life."

His voice is now soft yet deep and very seductive for a man. It was like I'm already drown with how manly his voice was.

He kept quiet while his thumb is now slowly rubbing my lower lip. "I wonder what this lips taste like without the influence of alcohol. . ."

Oh God. My heart is beating so fast! Hindi ko alam ano ang gagawin. I don't wanna run. That's so childish.

"Give it a try." I strongly answered him. But deep down, I'm already hesitant and started to regret the things I said.

He smirked playfully. "Yeah, I think I should."

Without hesitation, Lervint literally went to kiss me immediately. He's so hungry with his kisses that he pushed me to the wall and hungrily kissed me deeper while his hands are at the back of my head for support. I can't help but to kiss him back.

Fuck. So, this is what it tastes like without the alcohol. It feels so raw. Felt so real. Feels so new and different because it's him.

Suddenly, my knees became weak as the intimacy deepens. Lervint's tongue started to glide the insides of my mouth. He held me tighter and I can't help but to grip on his nape for support.

To my surprise, Lerv stopped. It seems that he realized something with the look on his face.

"I apologize, Leigh. I shouldn't drag you to the intimacy that I want between the both of us. You're not ready for this." He seriously stated before he turned his back and walked inside the guestroom.

Wow. What the hell? I'm here like a puppy left alone by his master, deprived with cuddle and some loving. Just. . . what the hell?! I looked pathetic!

Padabog akong naglakad papunta sa kwarto ko. Yes, I liked it. Pero hindi dahil doon bakit ako naiinis. Naiinis ako dahil naunahan niya akong umalis. Nahihiya ako sa katotohanan na ’yon. My pride has been crushed a bit for that.

Kinabukasan ay balik trabaho ako. Lervint is with me, as always. We were quiet since we're at home early this morning. Hindi ko alam paano ko sasabihin sa kanya na aalis ako ngayon at kikitain ko si Rom. I do think that it doesn't matter if he'll know or not, but something in me really knows that I should tell him in case of emergency.