Nothing to Loose, But You - JJ Maybank

Act 2

People are meant to die. It's just life. But I never expected to loose my brother and bestfriend in the same day...

Life's been different sense they died. I haven't talked to Kie in Pope in a week or so. JJ comes over every once in a while and I just put on a fake smile and act like I'm okay.

He thinks I'm okay...

Barry try's to talk to me but I just shut him out. I don't think he can save me this time.

No one can save me this time.

The night I ran away I saved Barry's life. You could say he saved mine to. Life was good. I started dating JJ, I told the pogues the truth and got a weight lifted off my shoulders, and we went after what was ours.

Now I sit in my room and cry. I tell people I'm fine and put on a fake smile. Truth is, I'm not. John B was my twin. We've been best friends forever. I go to him with everything and he always supports me. He's my rock, I never planned to loose him this soon. Sarah was my bestfriend. I told her everything and she told me everything. I told her the things I couldn't tell John B. She knew about the business and Rafe and JJ and everything. I could relate to her in a way.

They left to soon.

I started cutting the inside of my thighs again...

Now I only wear pants, how stupid. I'm sure JJ has noticed. I haven't worn shorts and it's hot outside, I love shorts, I'm always wearing them. Now I don't...

My life is ruined.

Barry and JJ are the only reason why I'm still here.

JJ would drink himself away if I died. Barry would follow through with suicide.

I can't be the reason for more deaths.

If I could have stopped Scooter that day, maybe they would be alive.

Maybe if I talked Big John out of going for it.

Maybe if I could have stopped Ward and my dad from killing Big John that day.

Maybe if I never became friends with John B.

Truth be told. I really just need my lost ones back in my life.

Maybe they are still alive. John B, Sarah, Big John, and Aunt Jackie.

Just Maybe.

I have this feeling they are still out there... but I can't hang onto false hope.

Maybe I'm not meant to be fixed.

(If you ever feel like you're not enough and that you wanna end it all, don't. Please talk to someone you trust, you can even message me if anything. Please don't cut youre self or do self harm. You have so much to live for and I love you.)

Here we go! I'll update soon! I kinda forgot about Aunt Jackie so like... this season I have a feeling you will see a lot more of Allison, Johnathan, and Jackie. Maybe not Jackie, idk