Unwanted Cupcakes

Chapter Five

I am, as many unfortunate people get the chance to learn, very much not a morning person. My classmates and teachers have all been taught that lesson after trying to pull as little as a greeting out of me in the early lessons. It takes a full stomach and the clock to hit ten before I'm even slightly ready to deal with the fuckup that is life and my part in it. And even then, the most I can manage without offending or scaring the other person is a nod of my head.

Really, it should come as no surprise that Lexis is the complete opposite. Fate really loves fucking with me.

"Good morning!" Chirps Lexis, and I had no clue what the time was, but I knew it was way too fucking early and I'd been having a really good fucking dream (that may or may not have included monkeys using bananas as hair removal cream).

"If you value your eyes in the slightest, back away and I'll maybe consider not gauging them out," I warn, eyes shut and body warm. It's silent for a little longer and I sag in relief, thinking Lexis had listened.

Of fucking course he hadn't.

The covers are ripped off of me, and I whip up so fast my vision blurs for a couple of seconds, but soon my eyes are narrowed and on a smirking Lexis with murderous intent.

"Bedhead looks great on you," he remarks, looking all too pleased with himself, the blanket in his palm. "Very sexy."

I make a noise low in my throat that could only be described as a growl, and then it was fuck everything as I tackle Lexis to the ground. He 'oof's in pain once his back hits the floor. I feel no sympathy at all as I drop all of my weight onto him, revelling in the constipated-grimace his face takes on. Good.

"Don't you ever," I start, breathing heavily and keeping as far back as I can, all too aware of morning-breath, "Disturb my sleep again, you goddamn cow-shaped mango."

"Very threatening," he chokes out, nodding. "I am deeply sorry." The fucker's smiling.

I pull myself up and accidentally step on his stomach. I smile when he groans, waiting as he hoists himself up slowly.

"So," I say, assuming it's past ten if I was this civil. "What's the plan for today, Big Cookie? Finally grown enough balls to let me go?"

Lexis raises an eyebrow. "'Big Cookie'?" I merely shrug. "Okay, then. Well, no ball growth as of yet, but I did think we could go to the store, buy some shit you might need."

I pause, staring at him with wide eyes. "Are you serious?"

"No, I'm Lexis," he jokes, laughing when all I do is blink. "Why wouldn't I be serious?"

"Let me get this straight," I say, brows furrowed, looking at Lexis like he'd just spoken gibberish. "You want to go outside? With me? Where people will be? With me? Your captive?"

Lexis sighs heavily. "Yes, Miss Dramatic. Outside, to a shop, with you."

"Not that I'm complaining, but how exactly do you plan on doing that without getting caught? 'Cause if you think I'm going to stay silent through that little trip, well then you'd sooner believe Niall Horan isn't Irish."

Now it was Lexis' turn to look at Faye like she was incompetent. "Everybody knows Niall Horan is Irish. And I won't get caught."

"How can you be so sure?"

"How can you be so not sure?"

"Don't answer my question with another question!"

Lexis shrugs. "Whatever. Do you want to go or not?"