Unwanted Cupcakes

Chapter Thirty Two

You'd think it would be much easier watching the way Lexis' face crumples, hurt flashing in his eyes, his whole body flinching as if being physically hit after all I've just been through.

It really isn't.

Lexis pulls his hands out of mine, taking multiple steps back. After staring me straight in the eye he looks away, shaking his head. "Go," is all he says. I hesitate for a second, raising my hand as if to reach out for him but he backs away. "Go."

"I'm sorry," I choke out, and this is meant to be easy and why isn't this easy?

After looking at him one last time, I turn around and leave. I walk the fastest I've ever walked and fucking leave the building. I ignore the screaming in my head, I ignore the medical room I have to pass on the way, I ignore Alisha yelling after me and leave. Because that's all I ever do.

Because that's all I know how to do.

I don't let myself think and I don't let myself feel because I know the second I do, I'll end up running back. And I can't do that. I can't go back.

The second I'm out of the building, I run. Cold, alone and crying, I run.

Come after me, a little voice in my head shouts, as if expecting him to hear. He isn't fucking coming, another part argues, you've just ruined any chance of him wanting you.

"Shut up!" I growl, shaking my head and yanking at my hair when I've put distance between me and the building. People turn around and look at me but I ignore them, walking faster.

You drive everyone away. No wonder your parents hate you, no wonder Flynn left, no wonder Lexis didn't put up a fight about you leaving.

And that's the truth. The miserable fucking truth.

...

I don't know when I decided I was going there. I don't know when I started heading there. I don't know when I decided that was a good idea because it isn't. All I know is, as I'm staring at the front door of my house, I just want to sleep.

I want to sleep and never wake up. I want to sleep away everything that just happened.

After taking a shaky breath, I walk forward and knock on the door. They're usually out around now, at some shitty run down bar, drinking themselves senseless only to come back home and argue the roof off, so I don't even know why I'm bothering.

Just as I'm about to turn around, the door opens. "Faye?" I shut my eyes at the voice, squeezing them tight as it sparks a fresh wave of tears. "Oh dear god, Faye." And then I'm bring pulled into a hug, my senses being clogged with her.

"Mum," I whimper out, wrapping my arms around her and grasping at her jumper so tightly. I'm powerless to hold back the tears and too exhausted to try.

"Oh my baby, I was worried sick, where were you?" She pulls her head back and tilts my chin up, my blurry vision just barely being able to make out the deep bags under her eyes, but she looks different.

"Where's dad?" I answer back instead, looking over her shoulder for him.

She clears her throat and looks away. "He's gone, babe," she says shakily, pulling me in for another hug. "He's gone."

"He what?" This time I pull back and really look at her. Instead of the usual dead, emotionless eyes I'm used to, they're warm and soft albeit tired. Instead of the usual sadness that plagues her face, there's relief.

"Come inside and then we'll talk, yeah?" She says and I nod, walking in and sitting down on the couch. I wipe at my face and take deep breaths, clenching my hands into fists every time I see him. He's gone.

Mum comes back in holding two mugs of hot chocolate. She hands one to me and meekly smiles when I thank her, sitting down next to me hesitantly.

"So," I clear my throat. "Dad?"

After taking a couple sips, she stares out the window behind me and sighs. "I know we haven't been the best parents on earth," she starts and I snort, instantly regretting it when she looks at me with guilty eyes. "Anyways, he- your dad, well when you didn't come back, and when we didn't find you at the cabin, he blamed me. I didn't argue, I mean I blamed myself too. After all I was a shitty mum. It was like what had happened with Flynn all over agai-"

My body lets out an uncontrollable sob at Flynn being mentioned and mum jumps, looking alarmed before grabbing both mugs and placing them on the floor. She quickly brings me into her arms and rubs my hair, whispering soothing words into my ear like she would do when I was a kid and that only led to the sobs growing louder.

Stop fucking crying, I yell at myself. But I just can't. God, how pathetic are you?

"Babe, deep breaths, deep breaths," mum instructs and I do as told, focusing on her voice. "That's it, there you go. What is it babe? What happened?" I shake my head at her question, a couple more tears pooling out and she shushes me, "It's all right, just breath."

"I'm sorry," I murmur when I've calmed down, everything silent aside from the frequent sniffle.

"Don't be, I haven't held you in ages and I miss that. I miss my baby. I'm so sorry for all that's happened but I love you. And I want to make it up to you; the past few years, I want to make them up to you. If you'll let me," she says, looking me in eye allowing me to see how sincere and loving they are and I just want to cry even more.

"Okay," I say, nodding slowly. "Okay."

Mum lets out a sigh of relief, "Oh thank God. Wanna tell me what happened now?"

I shake my head. "I just really, really want to sleep. Right now. In my bed. Forever."

Mum chuckles quietly, tucking a few loose strands behind my ear. "Alright, babe, I'll be up to tuck you in. Let me just put the mugs away. I love you."

"I love you too."

She smiles and then picks the full mugs up and takes them to the kitchen. Looking around the living room of too many memories, too many of them bad, too many of them good and too many of them involving Flynn, I get up and tread towards the stairs.

There's a knock on the door before I can start climbing them though and I just want to scream and shout because am I not allowed to fucking sleep?

"I've got it," I call out, mum replying a, "thanks babe". Without bothering to fix my face or my hair because I more than likely look like shit and without asking who's there, I open the door.

"I fucking hate you," Lexis says the second it's open, my heart momentarily stopping the second I lay my eyes on him. "You fucking left and I should hate you."

"Wha- what- Lexis what-" I get cut off by him muttering, "fuck you" and then he's surging forward, his lips on mine and it's return of the butterflies.

...

A/N

Uh, surprise? Lmao.

What did you all think of that? You definitely weren't expecting it were you? Hahah ;D

Comment what you thought and maybe also vote?

'Til next time my little poop nuggets,

-S