mulan smith
waste my time by essosa
' i got to move on in life
i won't let you cause me trauma
you just want to waste my time '
moaning, panting, and groaning was all that was heard in her car.
billie's hip grinded into me teasingly as we kissed.
her hands possesively held my thighs, pushing them back to my breast.
at this time, my jeans were discarded and i was left in my lace panties.
same with billie, she had taken off her tank top and shorts, leaving her in a nike's sports bra and nike's boxers.
my acrylics glided up and down her back, occasionally grasping whenever she would nip harshly at my skin before sucking.
i guided my hands down to her waistband, tugging at her boxers, hinting i wanted them off.
billie pulled away from my neck and panted next to my ear, " take em off mama" she husked.
a small smile tugged at my lips with her permission and i began to pull down her boxers.
but then i remembered, " condom- you got a condom?" i asked, looking at her.
" uh- nah" she shook her head. " you can check inna armrest, though" she told me, leaning up so i could sit up.
i hummed and opened her arm rest, looking through the stuff she had in here.
then a flash caught my attention and of course, my nosy ass had to look.
the flash was coming from her phone which was spammed with notifications.
one read, 'are seriously going to let me suck your dick and just leave?'
another one said, 'okay what time you comin over tn?'
" you found em?" she asked me, leaned back in her seat as she waited for me.
i scoffed and grabbed her phone from her cup holder and turned around to face her, showcasing her messages.
her eyes widened slightly before her jaw tightened and she snatched her phone away from me defensively.
" the fuck you got my phone for?" she asked defensively, her tone slightly raised.
my face scrunched together because who was she talking too?
"so you got your dick sucked before you came to me?" i scoffed, asking her a rhetorical question.
i already knew the answer but i wanted to see if she would tell me the truth.
" if i did, it ain't your business" she retorted.
" whatchu you mean it ain't my fucking business, you was gone stick your used saliva-covered dick inside me!" i yelled, pushing at her head.
she rolled her tongue on her cheek and shrugged her shoulders, " we was gone use a condom- why the fuck you so pressed for?" she asked nochantly.
" billie-" i stopped myself because talking to her would be a waste of time.
she was a waste of time.
i could only be mad at myself because i knew who she was.
it's my fault for entertaining her bullshit because now she think she can disrespect me.
i'm tired and i deserve better but why do i keep allowing myself fall into situations that are beneath me.
i'm attracted to billie and i tend to fall vulnerable around her presence. i allow her charm to mask the shit she do.
it's my fault for not standing my ground and not being the bigger person.
i was reacting out of pettiness and jealousy and this is what i get out of it in return.
i'm so glad i saw those text messages because it slapped me to reality.
billie might be right about my attraction to her but she was wrong about me being hers.
i don't belong to a toxic, manipulative hoe.
she's a clown and obviously doesn't see my worth.
i can't believe i was going to allow her to fuck me inna backseat, not knowing how many bitches she brought back here.
i need to leave her alone because i can't change her and her ways. and i refuse to be a " i can change em" hoe.
despite what i might feel for her, my self worth comes first.
i sighed and grabbed my clothes, putting back on my jeans and corset.
billie must've realized she fucked up because her face dropped, " wait mulan-" she grabbed at my arm.
i snatched my arm from her grasp and shook my head, " don't touch me"
once my jeans were fully on i looked at her, " you don't treat me wit respect and i deserve better than... you" i said, exaggerating the you with disgust.
" i'm ain't yours and never will be with the shit you pull. you seem to be blinded with the fact i'm ain't like the other girls on yo phone"
" leave me alone and i mean it. get your shit together" i scoffed.
i pulled on my corset and tied it lazily in the back so it wouldn't drop and expose my breast before opening her door.
billie stayed quiet not even attempting to come after me and i appreciated that.
i grabbed my purse and phone from her passenger seat and slammed the door purposely before walking away.
and stupidly, it hurted me to walk away because if anything i felt embarrassed.
embarrassed for letting myself come off as easy because i know i'm not.
billie- billie man, she's something else. deep down i can see her in my future, relationship wise.
it's stupid, i know. but as much as i try to ignore the more it comes to light.
i really hope she changes for the better because she has the potential.
i can feel it just by the way i ease into comfort around her, just her hoe antics throw me off and make me become defensive.
she be making me do shit i don't even do like for starters, allow her to give me hickies and i ain't even hers.
it's somethin bout her and i want to figure what it is, if she allow herself to change.
until then, goodbye billie.
authors note:
a lil sad but it gets better
hope yall liked it lol
vote and comment
50 votes per usual!!
mb for any mistakes.
btw this chapter had to happen bc this book is not a toxic billie book!!! just her toxicness and craziness was needed for her character glow up.
tho, i do have a pyscho billie book in my drafts, lemme know if u want it or not... im not sure
words: 1044
