ROCKSTAR ⇒ jegulus

NINE

James feels more like himself than he has in weeks when he glances around the round table of friends and flowing drinks; Lily sipping on some fruit littered cocktail, Remus and his usual rum and coke.

"So?" Sirius asks, leaning an elbow against the table as he sips gin out of a thin black straw, his hand curled around his large gin glass. "How're you feeling?" He hums.

James blinks, shrugging. "I'm alright," He muses. "Bit shitty not being able to drink, I guess," He chuckles, nodding to his glass of diet coke. "But I suppose I better get used to that,"

Sirius smiles softly. "You seem a little more content tonight, really relaxed. It's nice to see, you've been so hectic the past few weeks, Prongs,"

"I probably didn't handle the first few weeks of this pregnancy in the most ideal way, yeah," James agrees. He pauses, lowering his voice. "Regulus...he seems less high strung,"

It's true. They haven't spoken much tonight; nothing more than a polite greeting and a short lived smile; James is preoccupied with telling Dorcas that he can't accept her offer to paint him a nursery, and Regulus seems to be caught up in a conversation with Remus, Marlene and his two own friends. Barty and Evan. Evan, who James distinctly remembers from the café and Barty whom James had just met and enjoys to a certain extent.

Sirius just nods, swallowing a mouthful of gin. "See? I told you he isn't business casual all of the time. You'd really like each other if you could just get passed a few bumps in the road," He chuckles lightly. "You know," Sirius pauses. "It's going to be okay, right? I know you had that whole epiphany this morning about parenthood, but Reg is thinking all of those strange, new thoughts too, hon,"

James hums in response, glancing across the room at Regulus, stealing a glance, and not for the first time this night. There is something so strange and unfamiliar to see Regulus so relaxed, and talkative. Habitually, he is a lot less warm, or at least James finds, a lot less able to remain in conversation.

They differ, in that sense. James needs constant conversation, or else he begins to feel very, very alone. While Regulus seems to find loneliness a normality.

Regulus drinks a hefty mix of what James assumes to be vodka and some kind of cordial. Blackcurrant, if James had to guess from the reddish purple hue of the contents of his glass. James watches him from the corner of his eye, his grey eyes seem to smile with him as he laughs at one of Remus' jokes. James almost admires his side profile; wondering briefly if their baby will inherit silver eyes, or maybe bronze, like his own.

And, James is once again experiencing that weird, sinking feeling of realisation that he is going to have a baby. And maybe he isn't ready for this. This realisation seems to plunge him frequently.

"Do...do you think the baby will have brown or grey eyes?" James whispers softly.

Sirius blinks. "James-"

"I...I think I should go home,"

"What's...what's going on? Is everything alright?"

"I...I think I'm probably massively emotionally stunted, and I also think I'm going to be sick," James' voice is rushed and he can already feel bile rising within his throat as he excuses himself to the bathroom.

Once inside the clammy bathroom, James is on his knees, in an isolated stall, and he is retching horribly. His fingers are ivory from the grip that he has on the toilet bowl.

The bathroom door swings open and someone steps inside and James hopes that it isn't Sirius because he may not be emotionally developed enough to have whatever conversation Sirius wants to pursue with him at this moment in time.