A Step Away From Falling ➸ h.s. [Needs Editing]

Chapter 26: "New Plan"

*Author's Note: Okay so I hope I do not offend anyone with the content of my story. As you know, now the theme of self harm is part of the storyline through my character Helen. Her thoughts and her actions are purely my idea of how people who do this feel like. I might be completely wrong, I really don't know. So please, bear with me. 

P.S If you are struggling with self harm or depression, please seek help. Or at least the support of your loved ones. If you don't like that idea, I am always here if you need to talk. You're not alone! Please remember to Stay Strong :)

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Helen's POV

I felt broken. Shattered. 

One moment...one single moment I had stared into those deep green eyes and I had drowned in them. The pain that I have been trying to keep at bay for the past six months came crashing down on me once again. It was too much to bear and I found myself desperate for relief.

So I did what I had found out some time ago was the only thing that made the pain bearable. I cut. 

Not on my wrists. No, I don't plan on being obvious and showing my scars to the world. No, I cut on my thighs, to hide them right along with my shame. No one needs to know how weak and damaged I really am. 

But then Zayn found me; he found the shell of a girl that used to be alive and complete. He found the scraps of who I used to be, sitting on the cold tile floor of my small bathroom, cutting away at my flesh while I tried to find some peace that never came. 

And I cried.

I cried like I hadn't cried since that afternoon when the 'sweet boy with the beautiful eyes' broke my heart into smithereens. 

Then I felt Zayn's arms cradle me against him while the warmth of his body seeped into my cold one. I don't remember anything that happened after that.

I felt myself being lifted off from a heavy, nightmarish sleep and was startled to find arms locked around my small figure. My head resting on someone's chest. Then the events of the previous night came back to me.

I cleaned myself up, with Zayn's watchful eyes following my every move-- I think he was scared I would do something else to hurt myself. Then I sat down on my living room couch and Zayn hesitantly-- as if not to set me off-- took a seat next to me. I stared at my hands, disgust towards myself filling me up until the tears started streaming down my face once again. "I'm sorry" I cried. "I'm so sorry" I continued. I felt Zayn's body shift in my direction and once again he pulled me into his chest and encircled his arms protectively around me, trying to comfort me in my lost and hopeless state. I fell asleep in his arms.

Now that I was awake, I tried my best to leave the comfort of Zayn's arms without waking him but I failed. As soon as I tried to move his arms tightened around me and I heard his raspy morning voice, "Good morning". I think I had never thought of another guy's (besides my ex-best friend) morning voice to be attractive until now. I found my cheeks heating up at the thought that invaded my mind for a moment. 

"Morning!" I piped in with a grin. I looked down at Zayn's face and he was smiling.

"Aren't you all cheery in the morning" he mumbled groggily.

I shrugged in response. 

"You apparently are NOT a morning person are you?" I joked and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Hey I'm just wondering what type of person you are" I said, picking myself up and seating at the edge of the couch, nowhere on top of Zayn's body anymore.