A Step Away From Falling ➸ h.s. [Needs Editing]

Bonus Chapter: Zayn's Letter

My beautiful Helen,

I was going to start this letter with "Dear Helen" but I came to the conclusion that it was overused and it would be kind of hypocritical because I never call you "dear" anyways. That's not the point of this though and I apologize in advance because writing is not really my thing and I might get off track a few times. This is the third time I try to write this letter and I realized that no matter how many times I write it I will keep messing it up and it will never be perfect. That's okay with me, I'm way too far from being perfect so it makes sense that my letter reflects who I am. I want to leave you with something to remember me by anyways, what's better than an awfully written love letter? Or whatever this is...

That's the first topic I would like to discuss. If you're reading this, it means I'm not with you anymore. I'm sorry. I thought I would have more time with you but I was mistaken. I should've known though, that the type of profession I chose (I will explain about that soon) almost guaranteed that my life would be cut short by someone with better abilities than I. Or maybe it wasn't that someone was better at me at what I do, maybe I finally found something worth dying for. I know I would die for you. I would die for your happiness, whatever that may be. So if I'm dead... I'm sorry I'm not there to console you. It's ironic to think that I could be the once causing you pain when all of this time I've been trying to protect you from getting hurt. Life is funny that way.

Something that is not very funny is the truth... and even though I'm gone, I wish to be the one to tell you.

I am a mercenary. I get paid to kill for a living. I was hired by Georgia to keep an eye on you. She feared that her precious Harry would run to you as soon as he thought you were safe. I should explain that too, I guess. Harry never chose her over you, Helen. He chose to be with her to protect you. Georgia had already hired me to kill you if Harry ever went to find you, so he made you believe that he loved her and not you. I didn't know you then... I also didn't know him. If I had, maybe I wouldn't have chosen to be a part of the whole scheme. But I thought I needed to do one more "job" before retiring, and that's where Georgia came in, offering me a ridiculous amount of money for something relatively simple.Or so I thought. I said yes.

Later on she contacted me and changed the contract, now I was to get close to you and keep an eye on you. Us meeting was not a coincidence. I was following you that day. Never in a million years did I think that meeting you would force me to feel things I had forgotten I could feel. Even on the first day, I had already forgotten that I was supposed to kill you if the time ever came. Protecting you became my main objective. Loving you though... that was a whole other thing. I tried my best to separate myself from my feelings, but that obviously didn't work.

This is the part where you realize that I'm a horrible person. That I never deserved to be cared for you. I know... I've always known. But I still thank you for caring, because you brought me back to life. You made me love again, something that I never thought would be possible in this lifetime. Loving you was the best and also the hardest thing I have ever done.

I don't plan on apologizing. I'm probably dead anyways and it's not fair to ask for your forgiveness when I'm not there to earn it. I only hope that my death brought something more than grief in your life. I hope I righted some of my wrongs before leaving this world.

I hate being this cheesy, but I do love you, Helen. I think I loved you since the very first time I saw you. I didn't know it then, but I do know now.

You thought I was an angel there to rescue you, but you're the one that did the rescuing. You made me feel like I could be a better man. So thank you, just thank you for existing.

I hate the idea that you are hating me as you read this. I cannot bear to think that you may doubt what I know I feel for you. See, killing is not what I wanted to do. I somehow got stuck in it. When I was young I always dreamed of travelling the world. I wished to touch lives instead of ending them. I don't know how I got where I am. I honestly don't remember. But I hate myself for not changing my ways before it became too late. Now I'm probably gone, and I know I don't deserve it... but Helen, if I were to be granted one wish, I would ask to be cremated and my ashes spilled over the White Cliffs of Dover. I just want to be freed of this curse in which I lived for so long. If you grant this last request, thank you. I will be eternally in your debt.

That's all I have to say, sweetheart. I guess this is goodbye. Remember that I love you, please always remember that.

Yours truly,

Zayn

P.S.  Wherever I am doesn't matter, I will always watch over you. That is my promise to you.