A Step Away From Falling ➸ h.s. [Needs Editing]

Chapter 30: "The truth"

Zayn’s POV

After kissing Helen one more time, I opened her car door for her and shut it. I watched as she drove away but even then, the smile on my lips did not falter. 

I didn’t know what I was feeling, but some type of electricity was running through every fiber of my being. My heart was racing like the background beat of a rapid rock song and adrenaline was pumping swiftly through my veins. I felt alive; like I’ve never felt before. 

I went inside my flat and pulled my black leather jacket on, grabbed my keys and walked out the door.

Once I was out of the building, I took a look at my car, smiled and kept walking. I was going to walk to the restaurant, that way I had more time to think…

I should stay away from Helen. I’m no good for her and I am man enough to accept that. But at the other hand, I knew I couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t do it when I met her, how can I possibly force myself to doing it now? I couldn’t. That was the simple truth. Zayn Malik could not stay away from the sweet and vulnerable Helen. The victim of a jerk who broke her heart and a crazy obsessed girlfriend.  This is movie type of shit. No need for soap-opera, there was more than enough drama in Helen’s life. Maybe… maybe I was even adding it to it. 

The thought bothered me. I didn’t want to make it worse. I really didn’t it. 

Helen deserved better. She deserves a guy that can make her smile, all day, every day. A guy that will protect her and love her in every way that he can. A guy that will give his life just to see her happy. A guy… a guy that… well, a guy that I didn’t know if I could be. 

But, a part of me, wanted to fool itself thinking that it could be. I could be that guy. For her. 

It’s not like I was looking for this, I wasn’t hoping for anything. All I did was try to avoid this from happening while I tried to help her. But I didn’t kiss her, she kissed me. That means she likes me. Or at least I hope that’s what it means. It would suck if she’s not feeling anything at all and wants me to be close only to feel a “connection” with someone. I’d be an idiot if that were the case. Because I genuinely care about this girl. I shouldn’t. God knows that I shouldn’t… but shit happens, you know?

I kicked a pebble that lay in the middle of the sidewalk with my shoe. 

God, I was getting ahead of myself. We made-out. It probably means nothing to her. This is not my typical reaction to stuff like this, I swear.

Usually I don’t care. I don’t do relationships, because being in the business I’ve been, being paid to kill: it’s better to not have family ties or romantic relationships. It’s how the whole thing works. Because of course if you have loved ones anywhere near you, they can become targets. Of who you ask? Of upset and heartbroken people that loved someone I was hired to kill. 

I understand them. If someone killed someone I love, I would scout the entire earth to make them pay for it. Make them feel what I felt. Unfortunately, what people don’t know, it’s that there is a third person, the person that paid me to do it. That’s the person they should hate, the person they should take their revenge on. 

I’m not saying I should be free of charge because I was hired to kill someone I don’t know and I did it for the money, I’m not saying that at all.  I’m just as guilty as the person who hired me. Because I’m the one who pulls the trigger. I pull the trigger and I walk away, my job simply done. 

I box as well, that’s pretty obvious. It’s a more honest job, that’s for sure. It’s been helping me get away from the previous job. Doesn’t pay 1/4 of what I got being a mercenary, but I slept better at night. The nightmares were less frequent.