Elude [H.S.]

TWENTY-FIVE

(Start playing the song above when you see the '*')

*TW: Mentions of a terminated pregnancy, loss of a family member and drug usage (cocaine)*

It's been three days since the Christmas dinner and Conrad still hasn't returned home. I ended up coming back to the house yesterday since Grey and Lyn were leaving to go and be with her family for Christmas. They told me I could stay at their house but I couldn't bear being alone in a place that wasn't mine. I decided it was better for me just to be alone in my own home.

Lyn begged me not to come back with tears in her eyes, and part of me did feel bad for that, but this is the only place I've known for the last six and a half years. Regardless of all the bad things that have happened here - this was still my home.

I wasn't all that surprised to find that Conrad wasn't back yet. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I can't help but wonder if he'll even come back to spend the holiday with me. I won't be shocked if it ends up being a repeat of Thanksgiving all over again and he abandons me for Heidi.

I can only assume that's why he ditched me that day.

Harry and I have texted just a little here and there since he left me in the bedroom that night. The texts have been short, him mostly just asking if I was okay and if he could help me with anything. We felt so disconnected now and it was really starting to eat away at me.

I knew that I deserved him walking away from me even though I embarrassingly begged for him to stay.

I'll never be able to forgive myself for the things I said to him when I went over to his place to end things that day. I didn't mean any of what I said, about him manipulating me or that he should've asked me to be his. I knew I was his.

And he was mine.

I didn't tell him I had come back to the house and I asked Lyn and Grey not to tell him either. He didn't need to worry about me anymore.

I shake myself out of my thoughts as I finish cleaning up the dishes I had used to make myself a late lunch. I carefully maneuver around the kitchen to put it all away - still being mindful of my ankle.

The pain was slowly subsiding but it was still very bruised and slightly swollen. The crack in the corner of my lip was almost completely healed and thankfully there was nothing left from the actual impact of Conrad's hand on my cheek.

I still couldn't believe all that he did to me that night.

Part of me does feel idiotic for coming back here but I don't know what else to do. Lyn and Grey offered for me to move in with them permanently but I have nothing to give them in return. I don't have a job. I don't have any type of degree since I didn't finish high school before moving to New York.

This is exactly why I feel stuck. I really do owe everything to Conrad. Without him, I would have absolutely nothing.

I make my way up the stairs and see the door to Conrad's office still wide open from when I ran out of it a few days ago - when he chased me down the stairs.