Love Is Ǝvil

36 I Gotta Tell Myself Another Lie

She greeted him with this warm smile of hers. "Good to see you again. It has been a while."

Marshall shrugged with his shoulders. "I got a demanding job, I don't always have time for this." That wasn't the reason. The rational side of him knew, she wasn't pissed at him for canceling their last appointment, but the other side of him was still brusk.

"I know", she nodded, "It wasn't a criticism, just an observation. Let us start with a follow-up to our last meeting, kind of tying things up a little. How did your Halloween party go?"

Instantly he tensed at the memory, his friends looming over him, telling him that they knew, that everyone saw right through him. Like he was made out of glass. But the world was still standing. Somehow. "Fun. Hot. Panic. You were kinda right, going like that was a bit coming out-ish."

"How did that go?", she asked kind, not at all insisting on: I told you so. She had every right to hang this over his head, but she didn't.

"Well ...", he started and wasn't sure how to put the night into words. Now that the dust had settled and everything was set and done, at least regarding his friends knowing, it wasn't really that bad. At least he thought so. "It kinda went the wrong way around, I think. Like, they told me that they know, that they've always known. I kinda panicked, but ... They're my friends, my family really and, I don't know, I think it's gonna be okay? I mean, they didn't beat me up or stuffed me with pills or preached the gospel to me or anything. Quite the contrary, we all went out after that, you know, my friends and me and Nicolas. That was embarrassing as fuck, but they seem to be going along fine. Mostly." Whatever Ryan's problem was, he'd like to know.

She nodded her head pleased. "I'm glad to hear that. It's always best, when we don't have to hide ourselves from the people we love most. And it sounds like your friends are trying to integrate Nicolas into your group?" He nodded briefly as an answer. "That is a very good development. Not always does it work out, when our friends and our lovers cross paths. It's good to hear, in your case things are going well so far."

"I think so", he agreed. "Nicolas really tries hard. He didn't object at all, when they grilled him. I warned him, but he wanted to do it anyway. He says, friends are important to me, so he goes through with it."

A genuine smile appeared on her face. "I'm really glad to hear you have a supportive environment around you. You're very lucky to have people like this in your life. I wish, more people had that, then my job wouldn't be needed as much."

A little sheepish he rubbed his neck. "It's not a big deal, we're just friends and that's what friends do ..." Friends stuck up for you, they always had done so. Why would it be different now? Ask your panic brain, that has a strong opinion on that.

"They should, yes", she agreed in a grave tone. "But not everyone reacts with sympathy when a loved one does things in a not so common way, or just in a way they don't agree with."

Marshall sighed deeply. "Yeah, I know. Kim didn't. Again."

She tilted her head with question. "I wouldn't have thought, you had invited her to your party."

"Thanksgiving", he explained, "She came over for the girls, you know."

"Ah, I see, of course. I imagine things were a little tense? Did you do the calming exercises we practiced? You know for yourself, getting agitated by her doesn't do much good."

"I know. I tried", he sighed deeply once more, "But I failed." Like he always did.

She nodded understandingly. "That's alright. You're human, not a robot, no need to feel bad about that. Just practice more. You don't have to be perfect, okay? Try to find a place, where she can't reach deep."