Love Is Ǝvil

7 I See My Baby, Suddenly I'm Not Crazy

Once more he stared into his fridge and once more its insides disgusted him. He took a plain yogurt out and sat at the kitchen counter scowling. He only ate because life forced you to. Although he felt like dying was a good idea, of course he didn't really want to die. He had a family to care for and more music to write. So he ate begrudgingly.

This time he also had cried himself to sleep after he had come home. His eyes were still a little red around the edges. It was infuriating. He shouldn't have gone and he should've been more adamant about his rule. Regardless, he still heard Nicolas's laugh and his ears tingled with the memory.

"Morning dad." Hailie walked into the kitchen and fixed herself some breakfast.

Whitney was close behind and just slumped down in her chair. She hated to rise early, hated it feverishly. The yawn was big. He felt sympathy for her, he'd had the same problems at her age. God, that sounded old.

"Mornin' girls", he answered and looked into his yogurt. Maybe a quarter, could be enough. So he stood up and put the yogurt back into the fridge. Then he poured some cereal for his youngest, she was still too much asleep to do it herself.

"Mornin'." A muffled sound from Lainy, she held her brush between her teeth and tried to tie her hair.

"You need help with that?", asked Marshall and sat down again, placed the bowl of cereal in front of Whitney. She actually took the spoon into her hand, that gave him some hope she would eat a little of her breakfast.

Lainy already enlisted Hailie's help. "Thanks dad, but no, I'm good."

"I can see that." Probably for the better. He raised three girls but he sucked at braiding hair. Like, that's fine but sometimes inconvenient. "So, are we ready for the exam today?"

Hailie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, dad, I know how reproduction works, thanks for asking." She said it on purpose like that, he knew. That were his genes shining through, the ones that made him talk whenever he shouldn't and made him rap words, people needed to protest against. He probably shouldn't feel proud about that, but his girl was clever and snarky, how could he not? They often shared some banter going back and forth, that was their special daughter-father-time.

But today he wasn't really in the mood. He wasn't in the mood for anything, except crawling back into bed and crying some more. Sissy! Man up or drown in cum. You'd love that, wouldn't you, slut. Maybe he should go on the treadmill again, before he headed to the studio? He had to get his head clear.

"What about you? How did your date go?" Hailie sat down next to him, smiling innocently as she ate her breakfast.

Lainy gave a surprised squeal. "You're dating? Since when?"

Even Whitney looked at him with open eyes. That woke her up fast.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. Sometimes, just sometimes he wished he had boys. They wouldn't care about his love life or his sorry excuse for one. But probably tease him even more. Pros and cons or some shit. "There ain't no dates."

"You told me yesterday, you're dating. She even texted you while we studied, remember?"

Why were his kids so quick? And nosy, so nosy. "I won't ever forget, princess, I promise. What I meant was, I occasionally go on dates ... every now and then."

"But you went out last night", his daughter pressed, "and you came home really late."

"How d'you know when I came home?", he asked with a tone of disbelief to his voice.

She tilted her head. "I live here?" This wasn't going well. How could he get them off track? If the past taught him anything, he wouldn't. His daughters were like bloodhounds, when they wanted something. And it seemed like they wanted to ruin his day today.

"You really had a date." Lainy realized and leaned over to him. She studied him closely. He almost felt like some rare insect they needed to preserve. "Did you two have a fight?"

"No, we didn't." Shit, wrong answer, he hurried to add, "And it wasn't a date. Can you guys just eat your breakfast, please."

Hailie deliberately bit into her sandwich. "So, you went out last night with someone but not on a date, and something bad happened between you two but not a fight. Seems like a lot of hassle for someone you don't really like."

"Why you think something bad happened?"

She shrugged. "We know you, dad."

Why was his love life so interesting anyway? First his therapist, then Big Eight, now his daughters, that's about half the people he interacted with frequently. That's a lot of people. "Seems like you don't. Nothing bad happened. And it wasn't a date. Is the interrogation over now?"

"But you went out with someone", Lainy repeated. "Come on, you can tell us when you like someone. No reason to be ashamed of having a girlfriend. We could help you, too. Your track record with women isn't too hot after all."

"Thanks for remindin' me."

Lainy shrugged. "You know what I mean." Of course he knew what she meant and she wasn't wrong. If he really would've wanted a girlfriend, he probably would've needed some help with that. Or any kind of romantic relationship, really.

"And it'd be nice, if you wouldn't have to be so lonely anymore", said Whitney between two spoons full of cereal.

That stung deep. He almost had a flashback to his therapist's office. Shit, now wasn't a good time to freak out. "Lonely? I ain't lonely! Why'd you think that? I just ... I -" He what? He had a lot of friends to hang with? Kinda true, but not the point. He didn't want a relationship anymore? Also kinda true but actually really wrong, and his daughters probably knew him better than to fall for a lie like that. He just had a string of nameless hook-ups so to hopefully fool himself into thinking he wasn't lonely? True and stupid, but he would never say that in front of his daughters. He got fucked by a man and that freaked him out so much, he cried himself to sleep? Very true but that was absolutely unutterable! "I'm fine, aight? I ain't lonely, just tired. Like you said, was late last night and I ain't gotten enough sleep. Happens. And I promise, if I date anyone nice, I'm gonna bring them. Just don't hold you breath on that."

His daughters shared a thoughtful look with each other. Great, they didn't believe one word.

"Is everything okay?", Hailie asked and sounded serious, her perky tone totally gone. Even more great, they actually worried about him. That's not how this was supposed to go.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." That didn't even convince himself. He really needed acting classes one of these days. "You guys need to get ready for school. Come on, let's go." He stood up and shooed them out of the kitchen.