Love Is Ǝvil

49 I Apologize, Even Though I Know It's Lies

Steam clouded the bathroom. The air was warm and moist, just hard to breathe. When Marshall climbed out of the shower, blackness crept around his view and he had to prop himself up against the wall. Dizziness swirled in his head. This always happened, when he stood under hot water for too long. Motionless, feeling the scalding water cascading down his body, listening to the sound of water rushing down. This was the right kind of noise to drown out his thoughts and the right kind of sensation to anchor his mind to the present. Something he needed right now. Only thing you need, is a dick in your ass. Hurry up, bitch. I can't believe he fell for you again. What you give him anyway? Not your ass, not in a long, long while. How bad at being a horny slut are you? Unbelievable!

Marshall sighed loudly and leaned against the wall. The tiles were cool and wet against his forehead, he waited for his sense of balance to come back. There wasn't more time to stay in the shower, to savor a little silence for his mind. He was nervous enough as it was, he didn't need his head to make it worse. But his head didn't listen to him. Never, fag. You'd run this show to the ground, no doubt. Not on my watch. I get your ass laid. One of us needs to work for the greater good here. Marshall doubted this sincerely. But with one thing his head was right: He needed to get ready. Now.

A moment longer and his vision came back to normal again, his circulation stabilized. He grabbed one of the towels and started drying himself off. He went back to the bedroom and when he stepped through the door, his eyes focused on the bed instantly. Not the bed exactly this time, but what was spread out on it. A sky blue dress. GAY! What else was new?

This was the reason he was so fucking nervous right now. Nicolas hadn't minded him wearing a dress on Halloween and maybe now was different, but Marshall hoped tonight would also be okay. He wished for it. What is he? A genie? Only wish he gon' make true is putting his dick in your hole. That's the only thing you're good for. Over the last couple of weeks, Marshall had weighed up the pros and cons, ever since they had hinted at spending Christmas together. Uncertain, what gift to get the man. A book? Sure, but which one? Marshall didn't have much of an idea what books Nicolas liked or which ones he had already read. What if he gave him a book, Nicolas not only had read already, but also hadn't liked? That was a terrible gift in any circumstance, but in theirs even more. Marshall had to succeed. After all, they were in a relationship, they should know each other well enough for this. Making matters worse, he had cheated on Nicolas in the worst fucking way, he needed to make up for it. And then their break-up had happened and only barely had they mended their relationship. This second chance wasn't even forty-eight hours old. Fucking hours! Somehow a bad book was the least of his worries and yet the amplifier for everything going wrong. If you thought about shit for too long, you lost track of it all too easy.

Marshall's hand stroked over the soft fabric. Maybe this could show, how much he liked Nicolas. Of course he had bought a book for him, but that didn't feel like enough. He needed something more, something with meaning. Or as Blanche might say, he needed something special. First thought had been a song, that was the most special, most meaningful thing Marshall was capable of. But Nicolas didn't care for music.

He tore his eyes away from the dress and stepped to the window. The backyard and the beach stretched out beneath, snow-covered and serene. There was ice on the lake, but not thick enough to hold a person yet. Them spending Christmas here at the lake house felt surprisingly meaningful. Here was when it had first felt like they could mean something, like they could actually have something special, like they could be a real couple someday. Or at least the pretense of it all. Don't fall for it, little gay looking boy. You know, he don't love you. Don't make this worse on yourself. Enjoy his dick and then cut him loose. Marshall wanted to capture this feeling for tonight. To make them forget the break-up had happened. To repay Nicolas for how badly he had wronged the man.